Neverland and Peter Pan

Chapter 14

The next day, Peter did show me how to make my own tent. It didn't take me long to build it. once it was up, he cast a charm inside of it to be spacious like his. He told me to choose what I want and he'd make it for my room. I told him the bed I wanted, closet, music, pictures, and designs I wanted in my room. He was glad to help me out and I thanked him. It was very awkward. He left without saying goodbye. Maybe he doesn't even want to be around me anymore. 

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Neverland had a new lost girl. At first I was happy about her arrival, that was until I saw how close she hang around Peter. Felix and I didn't speak much, but we knew she should've kept her distance. She hang around me too, but only to find out more about Peter. This girl is pretty. Her name's Lisa. She's my age too. Peter allows her to be around him and that doesn't sit right with me. He's been with her more than me. He hasn't been practicing with me, teaching me to control my instincts in battle, or allowed me to be around him. Then came Queen Clarions message that I couldn't eat meat till after my change. I was nonchalant about it for a while. But then I started getting cravings. Peter didn't allow anyone to feed me meat. He didn't allow me to hunt. 

I was becoming very depressed but what nobody here knew was that I've been depressed twice before I came here. So, I knew how to hide it. My cravings only grew worse and meditating wouldn't help anymore. Music was my solace. Everywhere I went, I had headphones on. Blasting music so that I couldn't hear anyone. It helped for a while, till Pan told me not to wear them outside of my tent anymore. Apparently, they were distracting the boys. Pan and Lisa were almost always together, he must've forgot about me. But I hadn't forgotten about him. I still had small feelings for him.

Everything was getting harder to bear. Felix was the first to notice, we were on guard duty for the night.

"Lily? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just tired is all."

"Go get some rest. I'll tell Pan you're not feeling well."

Nodding, I went back towards camp. Then I heard a noise. I investigated, making sure nothing was stalking our camp. What I saw made my heart stop and my vision turn red. It wasn't an animal. It was Peter with Lisa backed into a tree and he was kissing her. I hadn't realized I could feel like so heartbroken over someone who was ignoring me. I felt like I was slipping. Turning invisible, like I didn't matter. My mind was drifting from me. Pan and Lisa pulled apart.

"Peter," Lisa whispered but I could hear."I love you."

"I love you too." He said, and they continued to kiss. I'd had enough. I couldn't stay here. The moment Queen Clarion told me what I was, I never should've came back with Pan. My eyes weren't red anymore, but I could feel they weren't the same. They felt like they could've been bigger, even sharper than before, and a different color...maybe purple. 

Silently, I made my way back to camp. I got my music and put it in my bag, I grabbed a few shirts and shorts. I didn't cry as I put them in my bag. I was too far gone to feel anything. With my bag packed, I waited for Pan and Lisa to go to bed, they share his tent now. After waiting for an hour, I left my tent and went to the border of Pans camp. His spell was visible to me. As if on command, it opened up, just enough to let me through. I climbed a tree and began my journey to the fairies territory.

I made it halfway when I cracked. Punching the tree I gave a out a cry, it was mix of an animalistic roar and shriek. I rubbed the tree I punched and wiped my eyes, tears started falling I couldn't control. I was losing myself. My soul was being pulled from me, I could feel a deathly darkness seeping into my. It was consuming and addicting. Violent thoughts were coming to me. Telling me to destroy and kill everything. KILL PAN, PETER PAN. MAKE HIM PAY FOR TOYING WITH US, LILY. HE'S NO MATCH FOR US! A voice in my head called. Visions of killing Lisa filled my eyes and eating her heart, I almost wanted it. Spells came into my mind. Not just any spells, demon spells and angel spells. The were permanently in my brain. I had to stop this before I couldn't keep myself. I had to let it all go. Let Peter go. Let the lost boys go. I'm not a Lost Girl anymore. I'm not a fairy. I'm not anything but me and I'm a dragon. I control my fate and I'm not changing now! I shouted to myself. The struggle inside of me ceased and I had to catch me breath. Making sure I had everything in check I let go of Peter, he may be a monster but I loved him. I don't belong anywhere, but I can make anyplace my home.