Sam and I

Chapter 3

When I get home I run upstairs hoping to see Sam. I do, but he is talking to another Angel, as soon as the other Angel sees me he gives Sam a nod and takes off. He just bites his lip signaling something bad just happened.

"What was that about?" I ask.

"They said next time I try to fight a Demon I need to get an actual Solider Angel, that is qualified for fighting Demons."

He looked down at his old 'Converse' upset. He has grown in tallness, Angels stop aging at age 25. He is wearing a plain black tee-shirt and jeans with classic converse. His style when he was alive didn't range much from that either.

"I am sorry Sam."

I walk up to him and hug him. He embraces me in his arms it always makes feel safe, from even myself.

"It is okay, it's not your fault."

"It feels like it is."

"It's my fault for being stubborn. This kinda has happened before."

"Kinda?"

"It has."

"Then why do you do it still?"

"To protect you!"

He let go of me and from his voice, I could tell he was frustrated.

"I am sorry."

"It is fine, I just need you to understand that I do what I do for you. It's the reason for me still being here literally. My purpose for existing is to protect you! I am not in heaven until you learn to stand up for yourself! I want to be able to protect you in any way I can, I do not want you to let me go."

I stay silent knowing that is all true.I let the mood sink in my heart. We stood there in silence, I wasn't sure how to exactly respond.

"How did the shrink go?" He asks me breaking the silence.

"It went well, I think he actually cares about me and wants to understand, he took the time to actually listen and wasn't just stuck on the idea you are my imaginary friend. I think he actually believes me. A shrink for once actually doesn't think I am crazy. "

"That is good, I told you to give him a chance. I had a good feeling about him."

I rolled my eyes and smiled lightening the mood in my heart.

"What?"

"I should've guessed you were going to go into a' told you so moment.'"

"You really should've, I thought you knew me better Juli."

I chuckled a plopped myself on my bed, I laid down and Sam laid next to me. He put my hair that was in my face behind my ear.

"That is better."

I smiled and it reflected onto his face. He makes me feel good about myself and loved. I feel like he is the only person that will fully understand me. He has been with me almost 24/7 the last ten years. It would only make sense that he would.

"Thank you, Sammy."

"You haven't called me that in a while," He chuckled.

"I know."

"Say it again."

"I know?"

"No, say Sammy."

"Sammy?"

"Yes."

"Sammy."

"Perfect."

He pulled me closer and held onto me. How many people can say that an angel has held them? I love when he holds me. I love this feeling. The feeling of safety. He holds me for a while.

"Let me check your wrist." He asks ruining the moment.

I pull up my sleeve showing him that there isn't any from myself lately.

"Four months clean, let's keep it that way, please."

I nod.

"I only check because you shouldn't damage your beautiful skin."

I stay silent, I don't know how to respond. This boy cares for me so much and I care for him so much, but I do not care for myself not as nearly as much as he doses. Close to none.

"I love you, Juli, more than you can understand."

"I love you too, Sammy, why do you like me calling you Sammy so much?"

"That is for me to know and you to figure out on your own."

"Jerk"

"Yup, I am so mean."

We both burst out into laughter for about ten minutes. When it starts to die down I start to think about my old scars. Is it really worth it? How is hurting myself really solve anything? It is only temporary and gives me a permanent reminder of all those times I lost the fight. Sam is right I don't need to damage my skin. There are people who have problems and would want my healthy body and I am messing it up on my own. There are always other options, I just have trouble remembering that.