waste my time~ jojian

Ему ничего не нужно знать.

George leaned against the concrete wall outside of a the back of a pizza store he worked at part time as he took a drag from his cigarette that was almost finished. He knew he should probably quit. Ian tried to help him at one point, too. But things with Ian are different now.

They're suppose to be on a date right now, but Ian was late. Again. For the third time.

The first time this happened was a week ago. George was complaining that they don't get a chance to go out like other couples do. Ian made some remark about him feeling insecure about being gay. George called bullshit since he's made it clear in the past he doesn't give two shits about what others think of him. He's even kissed George and held hands as they walked through a park. Of course Ian said that as a joke, George could tell he was really trying to avoid something. But he didn't need to pry since Ian just gave in and said he'd go.

George got off of work early that day and texted Ian to come pick him up. He waited for hours and Ian never showed up. He texted him over and over again "Where are you???" "Please tell me you're not dead..." "Ian?" "..." "babe" "please pick up..."

He was about to try calling again when he finally received a text.

"Sorry I got held up at work. I'm a bit tired. I'm just gonna head him and sleep."

George was kind of frustrated. He could believe Ian being held at work, but that doesn't really explain why he didn't respond to his text. But he couldn't bring himself to accuse Ian of anything he had no actual proof of.

"Can I come and sleep next to you?..." George sighed as he hit send. "Guess we can try again next time."

Time after time there was nothing but excuses and ring checks and George is just about done with it. He was only a few seconds from turning around and heading home when Max sent him a text asking him what was up.

"Just waiting for Ian again..." he despondently replied. George felt helpless. Even if he was fed up with Ian what was he gonna do? Confront him and make him wanna leave again? Yeah, he'd rather sweep this whole thing under the rug and just give Ian his space.

"Well would you mind hanging out with me? Kate and I are going through sort of a rough patch right now and I kinda don't wanna be alone. We can talk about things over coffee and go to my place afterwards." Max offered.

It's not like hehad anything better to do so of course he accepted. Max arrived in under thirty minutes. Thank goodness the drive wasn't as awkward as George and Max felt on the inside. There was no music playing. Max preferred it that way, but he wasn't sure if he should turn it on for George. George wanted the music on, but he didn't want force him to sacrifice his comfort to drown out the deafening ring of uneasy silence he swears only he can hear.

But all of that tension was surface level. George's anxiety was fucking him up and definitely not in a good way. Why couldn't Ian just show up like he was suppose to? Does he not want to spend time with him? Did he already become too annoying? Was there someone else? ... Was Ian cheating on him? Was-

His slightly intrusive thoughts were halted when Max was finally the first to speak up.

"So how's the youtube thing going for you?"

Before he responded, George tried his best to silently slip the breath he didn't realize he was holding in until now. "Oh, right. Um... I kinda quit youtube."

"Really?" Max says, turn his head to face him, giving him a quick glance up and down with a look full of confusion and slight worry.

"Yeah. My health just couldn't take it anymore. Doctor's orders kinda. Also, I kinda stopped enjoying it a while before I ended it anyway. I think it's for the best."

"Wow. So what are you doing now?"

"Nothing really. I think I enjoy not having as much of a schedule as I did before. Gives me a lot of free time. Free time... to spend time with Ian. I guess..."

Max looks down, the feeling guilt and pity swirling inside him. Being worried about whether he should turn the radio on or not was only a minors distraction for how horrible and despicable he feels as George's friend and a person. He knows what George is feeling right now. He knows because he knows it's partially his fault. There isn't a single day where he doesn't think of what he's done and how sorry he feels and if only he could confess that to George, but his cowardly side could never allow that. He could never admit to sleeping with Ian behind his back, he could never face the inevitable reaction that's to follow.

Max knows that if Ian isn't with George and is constantly finding excuses not to be, then he's probably out fucking with somebody else. And Max knows he's probably the shittiest friend in the world for not telling him.

"Hey, how about we get coffee and a couple of donuts and take them back to my place."

George looked at Max with a neutral expression, feeling a little confused. "Are you sure? I don't want to intrude on you and Kat."

"Oh don't worry about that. Kat's not home. She's visiting family in England. So it's just you and me dor as long as you need."

Once again George couldn't find any valid excuse not to go along with it so he said yes. They got the coffee and donuts and made their way back to Max's house. They turned on the tv and made themselves comfortable under a blanket with their coffee and donuts. They started talking about their relationship issues and whatever was on the tv quickly became background noise.

George told him of all the cute little dates they use to go on. The walks through the park, going to local restaurants and holding hands across the table or under the table if they sat next to each. Sneaking up on each other and giving the other a jump scare followed by a kiss. The emergency cuddles when Ian got stressed or when George's anxiety got the better of him. Kisses and cuddles for no reason. He misses all of that. These days it's almost as if Ian doesn't want to touch him. It feels like something or someone else is always on his mind.

"So... I guess it's fair to assume you've stopped having sex then?" Max took a sip of his coffee and stared off to the side, watching as his cat walked her way to the couch and jumped up into his lap.

"Oh, we've never had sex."

Max caught his coffee in his throat and nearly choked, sending him into a coughing fit for a brief moment and scaring the shit out of his cat. He felt one or two drips fall onto his clothes, but he didn't care. Hearing those words leave George's mouth punched him in the balls and left a pang of guilt.

He was shocked, and he couldn't believe it. Max printed to confirm what he just said despite knowing full well his ears were in no way deceiving him. "What did you just say...?"

"Yeah. We kissed, like all the time. I've seen him naked, he's seen me, we'd grind and... ya know. Just do whatever, but we would never have sex. That was mostly my choice though."

Max really wish he hadn't answer him so genuinely. Truthfully, he hoped with all his heart that George was joking. But, he wasn't. And now Max felt far more crap of a person than he already did.