"Charl, when was the last time you ate anything?" asked Jaime.
"Not sure. Why?"
"You look skinnier than Mike."
It's a good question I guess. A couple of days maybe. I've been too upset to notice. I shrug my shoulders. Does it really matter that much. I've not been hungry. But now Jaime has mentioned it, my stomach growls ferociously.
"Whatya cooking me then Jaime?" I joke. He laughs and offers to take Becky and I out for lunch.
Tony has gone to see his family. His mum hasn't met me yet so he wanted to go and tell her about me before taking me to meet her.
We go to a sandwich shop a few minutes up the road. It's a glorious day so we walk. Becky and Jaime are holding hands and I feel like a gooseberry. We eat and I head off to work, being on the late shift.
Mags sees how skinny I've become too. I tell her I've just not felt hungry but I've just eaten a chicken sandwich. She hugs me and asks if I'll be ok. Mike will be in soon to keep me company anyway.
I have felt a bit better lately but not where I should be. The nightmares still haunt me most nights, but Tony's presence helps.
Mags leaves to go home to her family. Mike should be here soon. I quickly flick the kettle on and make myself a coffee. There's no customers at the moment, so I start tidying behind the till. I sweep it all out and leave the binbag in the storeroom to take out later. Mike comes in and asks me how I am.
"Ok, I guess" I whisper. He hugs me and notices how thin I've got.
"I've just not been hungry" I say. I tell him that I ate earlier with Jaime and Becky.
"You have to eat, you'll get ill" Mike says, hugging me to him. Ever the over protective big brother I guess.
We get to work, putting the stock out and checking the dates on stuff. We have a steady flow of customers all day and time flies. Tony comes to pick us up. I lock up the shop and we go back to their place. Jaime, Becky and Vic are all there. Becky goes into the kitchen to make drinks and calls me to go for a smoke with her.
"Why aren't you eating?" she asks, hugging me.
"I am. I had that sandwich earlier" I answer.
"Mike tells me you haven't eaten since though" she says.
"I haven't been hungry. There doesn't seem much point in eating when I'm not hungry" I mutter.
"Charl, she was my gran too. I miss her too. Don't do this to yourself. I need you, ok"
I nod, hugging her.
We go back in and I flop on Tony's lap. He pulls me to him and within minutes I'm asleep in his arms. He carries me up to his room and gently puts me in his bed, tucking the covers around me. He kisses my forehead before going back downstairs.
My gran is here. She's holding my hand and telling me she'll always be with us. That I need to look forward to a life with Tony and look after myself better. That I need to take care of my baby. Then she fades away.
I wake up screaming for her to come back. I'm alone in the room but it's only a matter of seconds before Tony is there, hugging me to him. I'm sobbing uncontrollably, but somehow feel more peaceful at the same time. I don't understand the last part of the dream though. When she said my baby did she mean Tony or something else? I tell Tony about it after I've calmed down enough to speak. He looks as confused as I feel.
