How I like my tea

A Realisation

What was I thinking? Go home and walk back and front wondering why I can't sing the line? Question my inner most thoughts and feelings? I doubt I'd get anywhere. So instead I was here.

I knocked on the door and it was opened almost immediately.

"Angeles!" Sang my Mother, clearly very delighted with my visit.

"Hi Mom, can I talk to you for a bit?" I said as I walked through the hall with her.

"Of course. Is there an issue?" She asked concerned.

"Umm Kind of..." I said.

"Well that's what I am here for." she chimed, heading for the kettle, "What's on your mind?"

I sighed, dropping myself against the bench, "Babies."

My mother turned to face me with wide eyes.

"What."

I sighed, "Yeah! Exactly. Babies is not a me topic."

My mother began preparing our tea.

"So why has this made an appearance. Violetta's doing? Or her Fathers?"

My jaw dropped. Why would she suggest German had any right or reason to bring up the topic.

"Violetta's." I said slightly agitated, "She wan't to know if I'd have children." 

"Well do you want the truth or the excuse?" asked my Mother as she passed me a cup.

"What do you mean?" I prompted, gently blowing the steam away from my drink.

"I could tell you the truth about it but it is not something you will admit to Violetta. So do you want the truth or a fake story instead?" My mother took a sip of her tea.

"I'd tell Violetta anything Mum you know that!" I was really annoyed now, she was being patronising.

She took another sip of her tea, "So you would tell Violetta that you are scared of being pregnant, or married, or in a relationship or of even liking someone else because you care too much about both German and Pablo?"

My throat tightened. Trying to hide it, I took a sip of my tea. I suddenly felt very defensive at the mention of their names.

"Mum that's ridiculous!"

"It is true that you would be happy with either of them, if the other was out of the picture." said my mother, watching me, "Yet with both of them around, you won't do anything."

I shrugged, "Maybe I would like someone completely different, then what?"

My mother sighed, "Angeles, you are lying to yourself if you think that's possible. You can't let either of them go."

My Mum was right.

"Well, what does that mean for me then? For my future? I'm alone forever?" I said, upset and desperate.

"No darling. No. There will be a day when you will choose. I dread the day even more then you do, but when the day comes, it will come."

I sighed.

"So what do I tell her?"

My mother frowned "That will be up to you."