Twila The Girl Who Waz In Luv With A Vampyre (with commentary!)

Chapter 8: Twila's New Friend

Chapter 8: Tila meets a new alley [MN: I bet Twila, er, Tila should go to an alley instead and make new allies there! Geddit? 😀]

a/n: OKSU GUYZ PREPSTOP FLARMING! [MN: I guess I should get a fire alarm right now.] siruisly if u fink mi grammer iZ BAD DEN FUKK U BITCH! [MN: Fuck you for your grammar, author!!! It stinks!] DIS TORY IS GONG 2 MAK ME FAMOOSE SUM DAY ND IT WILL B SOLD IN LIBARIES OK [MN: Hmph! You know what, author? You are a jerk who thinks they can be famous for writing such a stupid ol' fanfic. Yeah, you should remember you are a poser. I repeat: YOU. ARE. A. POSER! Tara Gilesbie is more famous than you for writing My Immortal and you're ripping her off! You're also ripping off Stephanie Meyer! That's shameful!] SO WNH I AM A MELLONAIR U BITCHEZ KAN CUM CLAWRING 2 ME ND I WILL SAY FUKK U OK! [MN: This won't help you make money, instead this will make people cuss and curse you for doing such a horrendous fanfic.]
disclainer: btw, TWILIGT does not belung 2 me, it is by serpantie millerz, ok she wunt su me now. [MN: Once she finds out about this fanfic, she'll sue you! For God's sake!!!]
PLZ ENJOY GOTHEZ, DANX FOR DA GUD COMMENX. [MN: Danke.] i am out of rebab soo i will b able 2 updat more arugato! [MN: What a relief.] OH ND fanx 2 Rodriga for helping me wif da spanish! [MN: Who's Rodriga? Your Spanish speaking friend?] U WILL C WHAT I MEAN LOL x666x [MN: I hope you suck at Spanish.]

CHAPTER 8
"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."
I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder. [MN: That should be very creepy and disturbing as heck.] I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard it. Plus he was sleeping. [MN: At least he doesn't mind.]
"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly. [MN: That's scary!] It sounded like an ugly old man, or it sounded like Midnite. [MN: I bet it's an evil spirt!] I wazn't realli sure. I opened my eyes, which were like endless pools of beautiyful topaz. [MN: Too flowery!] I looked around in the dark, but since I was a vampir I could see in the dark (a/n vampirs can see in the dark). [MN: Ha, that's one of the benefits of being a vampire!] I saw Ed next to me. His bornze hair was messy and sexah nd his pale skin glowed in the dark. [MN: Glow in the dark skin? Coooool. Better than sparkling!] He was silently singing "Da Hell Song" by sum-42 in his sleep. [MN: I guess he's singing himself to sleep.]
"Hoes there?" [MN: Are there any hoes I see?] I crapped poisonally. [MN: Crapping poison is deadly as heck.] My long black hair whipped around me as I turned back and forth at da speed of light. [MN: I whip my hair back and forth!] I didn't c anyone there so I was fukking confused. [MN: O_o] I had on a silver nitegown with black linning, and blak lace all around da boobs. I was wearing blak stilettos [MN: Wait a minute, wearing stilettos for pajamas isn't as comfy as it seems!] nd had on tons of eyeliner that I had made cat eyes out of. [MN: Meow 🐱]
Then the voice contunued to shout, "Cum to me Tila Beautifu Psyco Topaz Cullen. [MN: Her name is Tila now?] OPEN UR EYES TILA TEQUALA   [MN: Give me that tequila already!] FOR IT IS ME!"
"WHAT?"! I shooted. "OK STOP FUKING AROND, WHO DA HELL IS ME?" [MN: Who is that person?]
Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther! It was. .. ... A MAN! [MN: Oh god no]
"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously.  [MN: Yeah, shoo, you crazy man!!!] "U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom?" [MN: This young girl's a toughie.]
"Hahahaa. Si, but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios." [MN: Is enemios even a real word?] He said in Spanish. [MN: Bad Spanish to be exact.]
Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff. He shined his gloriosus teeth [MN: If I were Tamatoa, I'd be jealous of him!] in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life. [MN: It could have been better if he were blind for the rest of his life.]
"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. [MN: Take that you ugly man!] So I was right, it was an ugly man. [MN: Ugly as can be.] I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths. [MN: Oh well, it's naked time!] Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great) becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler. [MN: Never be naked in front of a stranger!] A lot of other stuff happened and den we found out that da mans name was James but becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez. [MN: It's pronounced Hah-mehs, actually.] We found this out because I bribed him wif my body. [MN: Bribing someone with your body won't help you know their
name!]

"I dont quero 2 kill tus," he said in spanfish. [MN: Spanfish? LOL] His parents were killed by vampirs nd he plowed 2 get revenge [MN: Was he raised by farmers whose crops were taken away by vampires?] on humans becuz they didnt help him during his hard time afterwords. [MN: Poor guy. His fellow humans didn't help him.] Nd he converted 2 an Atheist Sattanist [MN: LaVerne Satanism, you mean] nd learned Spanish beczu he had to move to da Purto Rico Repoblic [MN: Hello, Puerto Rico is a US territory, not its own country! Do your research then!] 2 do his reserch and stuff.

"I want a kill Tila because. . . . . . . ." [MN: Wait, he's now speaking in a stereotypical Italian way! Why?]
"I udderstand." I said stolenly. "We kan help you wif dat." My hubby said he would do anything 2 make me happy. "Moo bien." sed Hamez. [MN: MOOOOO] "We start 2 plot her death at dawn. Hasta luigi until den." [MN: You mean Luigi from the Mario series? BTW, whose death are you talking about?]

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX END DIS CHAPTER XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX [MN: Phew! This chapter's come to a close!]

OK I INDUCED A NEW CRAKTER. [MN: Induce? Really?] PLZ MAK SURE UR KEPPING UP IF U WANT 2 KEEP READING, DIS STORI HAS A LOT MORE CHAPPERS PLANNED OKTHAX. - [MN: I'm too tired of reading this shit.]