Don't Fight It

Part 1

"How did it come to this?"

Hongbin thought, as he and the other man glared at each other, the sounds of their ragged breathing and the relentlessly beating rain increasing the already heavy tension hovering in the room.

"How in the world did we end up here?"

He couldn't pinpoint exactly where or when it started. Was it back at the very beginning when they joined the company? Or when they got picked at the end of MyDol? Maybe it was during the tour... Not that it mattered, really. He just knew that there had been no "Aha!" moment of sudden realization, just a gradual awareness that crept up on him, despite how he'd tried his hardest to first deny, then ignore, and finally bury it deep in his mind, for everyone's sake. It was obvious now that he'd failed - miserably.

Hongbin did remember the first time he realized he was in real trouble, though. Was it really a whole two years ago already? It seemed both ages ago and just like yesterday. Thinking about it, the scents of rubber and sweat replaced rice and rain as the memory sprang to life in his head, at first out of focus and dim, like an old movie, until it snapped into brilliant color and brought him right back to that day...

*flashback to two years ago*

The whole group groaned and collapsed to the cool floor, sweaty and exhausted after their second concert rehearsal of the day. Still panting after finishing the main concert section with Error, Fantasy, Chained Up, and Enjoy the Show  (http://aminoapps.com/p/o4c7dh) all in a row, Hongbin watched Leo heave himself up and crawl over to the wall to grab a water bottle. Too tired, or lazy, to speak, N languidly waved a hand at Leo, signaling his dongsaeng to get him one, too. Binnie couldn't help laughing as he watched Leo, in the midst of gulping down the water, grab another bottle and roll it with enough force to bounce off N's shoulder, prompting an annoyed "YAH!" from the leader as he snagged it before it rolled too far away.

Turning his head, he focused on the rest of his members. Ravi was already up, carelessly lifting his shirt to wipe the chocolate abs his fans loved so much with a towel and checking the setlist again to prepare for the encore. Breathing easier now, he was about to get up and get a drink himself when movement caught his eye. It was just at the edge of his vision, so he raised up on his elbows to get a better look. He giggled as he watched Ken wriggle across the floor on his stomach, trying not to use his sore legs, to get to Hyuk who was holding Ken's hat hostage. Still sitting, Hyuk grinned and held the hat high over his head as Ken flopped around on his back, reaching up and doing his best baby aegyo to try to win it back.

Shaking his head with a grin, Hongbin stood and walked over to grab his water bottle and towel. As he took a long swig of the lukewarm liquid and wiped the sweat from his hair, he glanced around again at his squabbling members - his family - and felt a surge of affection for them. This is how it always was, and he wouldn't have it any other way. But that warm fuzzy feeling turned into something decidedly different, something noticeably hotter, as Binnie's eyes unconsciously drifted over to one side and locked on to...him.

His light grey shirt had turned dark with sweat, sticking to his muscular back, and Hongbin watched him reach behind him and peel it away in slow motion, tugging at it several times to try to get some air circulating between the moist fabric and his skin as he chatted with the others. Binnie's stomach clenched against the sudden fluttering feeling, and as his eyes traced the line up from the large hand pinching the fabric to the broad shoulders and beads of sweat on his neck, Hongbin felt slightly dizzy. He realized he wasn't breathing and exhaled in a sudden gust, as if he'd been punched. Closing his eyes, he felt the rapid pounding of his pulse heat his flushed face even more and abruptly turned around to face the mirror, still foggy from their exertions.

"It's just from practice. We worked hard," he rationalized.

But that annoying voice in his head reminded him that by the time he got up, his heart rate was mostly back to normal. And the tightening feeling in his chest had nothing to do with their energetic dancing.

"Crap. I absolutely can't be doing this again," he thought; trying desperately to push away the image of running his hands up the warm, damp skin of that broad back; of savoring the glistening droplets of sweat on his tongue.

With a mental slap, he forced himself to think about the rest of the group, of what would happen if he couldn't get a hold of his runaway emotions.

Resolve strengthened, Hongbin took a deep breath and opened his eyes to the mirror, only to feel his heart race again, even as it sank, when his gaze was unerringly drawn back over to the man he knew as his group mate, brother, friend......and secret obsession.