One Minute

6. The Unravelings

His impending sniff and I knew he was ready to continue. Without even wanting to, I was getting pulled into his story. 

"I was nineteen by the time state authorities found out about my situation, they tried to search mom but couldn't find even a trace of her. It was as if she magically disappeared from our lives never to be found again. Back then my younger brother was 12 and sister 9, luckily they got good foster homes and later they got adopted. I was twenty five by the time I moved back to Ohio. 

By now, I was a technician, a plumber and a mechanic at night and a professor during day. I was saving money for future. My faith in families had been tarred for life and I wanted to save enough for my both siblings. Who knew what would happen. If your own mother could hurt you like this, who could say a foster mother wouldn't?". 

"The second time I saw Julian, I was a different man but she had changed too.  Her eyes no more twinkled when she laughed, her smile always a little shade of pretense, Julian's outlook has completely changed. She was teaching physics in the school I got appointed in. The day I was walking towards my class, I heard her voice, she was teaching and her confidence baffled me once again.  No amount of jibes or comments rattled her, if anyone talked she threw something at them to get their attention". He laughed again,

"Later I found out, she used to make these paper balls at home filled with water balloons to punish her students. 

When she saw me standing at the window looking at her like a lovesick puppy, she knitted her brows in confusion and turned her head slightly to take a good look at the fool who couldn't stop staring at her. I couldn't decide she recognized me or not as I slipped away into the crowd of kids. I was surprised when I saw her approach me the next day. 

'Ricky the magician' she teased while sitting opposite to me in my office. 

' It's been what?' Counting on her fingers she said, 'seven years, since we all saw you last. To be honest, the way you left I'd thought you would end up a druggie'. 

Her apologetic look was enough to make me smile. I couldn't blame her, everyone knew who my mother was. I told her it's just luck that I am what I'm today and nothing else. I didn't tell her how my mother left or how I have lost faith in everything. We started dating soon after that day. She wanted a casual fling so did I, but I didn't knew when I got serious about her and maybe that was the biggest mistake of my life. 

After eight agonising months I proposed her and to my surprise she agreed. She convinced me that she was in love with me as well but something in me, kept warning me about this relationship but I never paid any heed to it. Soon we were married and I found out she was pregnant. We were happy, very happy, the kind of happy that scares you. That makes you wake up at night to reassure you that yes everything is really alright and not just a dream". He stopped and with his silence I took a breath of relief. I had been holding my breath since a long time awaiting the disaster. I wanted to leave but I was stuck. I heard he asked for a glass of water, I heard him gulp, I felt him shudder and then the impending sniff. 

"She was seven months pregnant when my castle of hope and dreams came crashing down. One day she called me asking for help, I was so scared that I rushed home. I saw her lying on the floor, covered in blood. I could feel the loss of our child but for me nothing mattered except her. I picked her up and rushed to the hospital. She was unconscious but her slurred words rang alarms in my head". He blew his nose and continued, " I still remember her words. ' He will not leave me, he will kill me. I love him but he will kill me'. I couldn't understand who was the 'he'. I was breaking apart. Piece by piece. 

Next day she said it was a nightmare she saw where I was running after her and she fell from the stairs and me? Like a fool, believed her".

" I started losing her after that day. She retreated into her own world without letting me in. I kept beging her to talk to me but she chose silence over confiding in me.

One day I noticed a tie in my wardrobe but I had never in my life worn a silk tie. My heart broke. I knew she was cheating on me but I wish I had asked her about it. Instead I chose to give her time, which was my fault. Few months later I got mail from an email saying my wife wants divorce from me. I was angry and frustrated. I rushed home and we had a huge fight. I didn't give her a chance to talk and she kept crying. I packed my bag and left. I shouldn't have but I did. That night I couldn't sleep. All I could think was her tear streaked face. I called her. I was missing her. But her phone went to voice mail. I threw away my phone in anger and closed my eyes. 

As I closed my eyes I remembered her unconscious mumblings and I lost my mind. 

I grabbed my bike keys and rushed towards my home. The lights were off, complete darkness which was totally out of character for her. She hated darkness. And then I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my fucking life. I went in through the basement door and when I reached my room I found my world engulfed in blood. She was calling my name even in that state. I didn't notice another presence and I moved towards her. She looked at me with disbelief and shook her head. Her eyes wide , blood sputtering out of her mouth. I dropped to my knees and took her in my arms, she was protesting but I was beyond senses. Something hit my head and I fell on the ground. 

When I got up, I was in hospital and Julian was dead. My life was destroyed. It took me forty days to come to terms with her death. And much more to accept it. 

Later I was told that her ex boyfriend, who was her college sweetheart. The guy I hated the most was blackmailing her. She had married me to take revenge from him for his betrayal, and he couldn't stand seeing her with someone else". 

"Coming here haven't decreased my nightmares but now I am sane enough to realize I have a family to look for even if they are somewhere safe and a person to punish. I believe in our legal system and I know one day I will get Justice". 

I heard the screech of chair, and opening of door. He had left. 

He left and with him, my peace left too. 

How could I be so self engrossed that I couldn't see how much pain they were carrying. How burdened their souls were. I was shaking by the time all left and Anna crouched in front of me. 

"It's ohk, I'm here. We all are. And we understand. We really do". I looked up and saw no judgement, no hatred, no sympathy but understanding and warmth. I shook and cried. I cried for hours maybe but I think it was necessary for my unraveling. That day I decided that I will try to make an effort to reach these people. An effort to know them. Really know them. And maybe that day. A piece of my soul found it's peace.