One Minute

3. Maybe Heaven

What will you do if you realise you are not alone. What can you do when you see there are many who suffer the same pain you do or maybe even more.
The moment I stepped in through that door,  I realised I had made a mistake. I couldn't breathe which was scaring and welcoming altogether.  When you aren't able to breathe without your own consent it tampers with your plans of fading away don't you think so? Fading away should be your own decision not some knee jerk reaction of seeing other people suffering just like you do.
It was horrifying to see so many people there wanting to fade away. What was Unnerving about it? Why couldn't I bear to see others having bandages on their hands, vacant eyes. Angry souls. Did I  look like this too? Was my eyes as empty and lifeless as theirs? Apparently yes that's why I was here. Among these lost souls.

I was led into a room which had two bunkers. I had to share it.
How freaking awesome!
 I was told to change clothes and go to administration office for general information. I was told to get scanned for any "toxic" items I might have slipped in somehow. I was told to practically strip off my clothes in front of the attendant. And I did, for I had no sense of life anymore. I was numb, emotionally detached from everyone around me. She checked for any hidden blades, knives or anything that u might use to harm myself or others. I can't blame them. Digging a piece of glass mercilessly in your own skin isn't fun for others. Anyway, I changed and silently followed her to the office. They gave me a pen and a form to fill. I loathed every forms I had filled till now and seeing again the same piece of paper my skin itches. I start scratching my temple and tried controlling my thoughts. The attendant kept a hand on my shoulder to reassure me but I was unable to concentrate.
A. Name
Surely they knew it by now. Then why the fuck should I write it. I wanted to scream.

B. Nationality
Wow ! Why does it matter? Are you gonna treat me any different than other patients? Fucking racists.

C. Favourite color
Why the hell should I tell them what my favourite color is?

The whole page was filled with fucking useless questions.  What's the point anyway in all this. Maybe it's a scam! Maybe they are just thugs sucking money out of lost souls like us.

You are dying anyway surely can spare some dollars and throw at us. We swear we will yap our tongues and wage our tails

But I continue to fill each and every useless questions. I was better than them of course. If two could play the game then I was the champ in it here. My smirk internally made some of the tension seep away. If it were visible. A steady steam of dirty gray would seep out of each and every pores of my body.

I was closer to victory. Only four questions left now. I had successfully lied in many and filled the form as ridiculously as possible. It wasn't until I reached the second last I felt the shift in game. I was stumped. I had played right into their hands. I was overconfident and showed my hands pretty early. I looked at the woman sitting behind the desk. There was a victorious smirk on her face and a knowing look. A raised brow and a challenge in those annoyingly arrogant eyes challenging me to finish what I started. 

I looked at the paper and accepted my defeat.

S. From A to R how many questions have you answered incorrectly?
How freaking awesome ! 18

T. Were you feeling anger while answering all the questions above. 
Sigh. Yes.

The attendant said softly, " it's okay" she smiled, "keep the paper on the desk and wait for your session".

One hour of pure torture.

Anna, that was her name, the attendant assigned to me. She had to look after my needs, she had to wake me up for my morning meds and whatever was necessary. I was practically having a personal babysitter. She showed me around.  Cafeteria, library,  recreation room, hall but it was the garden that took my breath away. I had stepped in heaven. Maybe I was already dead. Maybe.

Vast land of complete green ground. Surrounded by trees. A small pond in one corner with big round stones all around it. It pulled me, the water clear as rain called me to it. I could see small fishes playing around. So overwhelming. For the first time in hours I felt something other than anger or numbness. I felt a calm washed over me. I closed my eyes and breathed in the lucid aroma of nature. Tall pine, swayed with gentle breeze, small shrubs snuggling to it. It was crime to walk on these land with slippers on. As soon as my bare feet touched the lush grass, I felt a shudder go through me. I sat and ran my hands all over the grass. Anna was not surprised by my embarrassing behaviour, they get this reaction to often. She told me later. I had asked her to stay here for some time but she refused. I was only allowed this heaven if I was good. This was the candy they offered to those who behaved. And certainly I was one who was not on my best behaviour till now. I was led back inside and the suffocation was back. I felt nails clawing at my throat. I took breath with  open mouth.
"It get easier with time" someone said from behind me.