One Minute

4. Souls

"It get easier with time" someone said from behind me.

I turned and there stood a girl with long black hair and jet black eyes. She seemed Asian to me. That small eyes and pointed nose. She was small, very small. I wondered what was her age and what she was doing here. From the look on her eyes I knew she asked me something but my mind didn't process what was the question. She waited and waited. Then with a small shake of her head, turned and left. Everyone around me were keeping themselves busy in something or other. Some were writing,  some were reading but there were few who just sat, doing nothing.  I was told to sit where ever I want to soon lunch will be served. I didn't wanted to join anyone. I was too detached. So were they. We were not here to make bffs after all. I scanned the room, every place was crowded, it felt extremely invading to take a place among them.  Invading of their presence in my personal space. I turned round and round wishing a single vacant place for my own.  But there was none.
"Listen, you got to follow if you are told something" the attendant Laura or something said while nudging me forward.
My feet were planted on the floor. They were made of stone I was sure. I couldn't move. This ruckus gained others attention and a girl looked at me and moved more farther away. Inviting me in. I shall take these stones and make them go to that place.
One step. Almost there.
Breathe in.  Breathe out.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Almost there. Almost.
Yes. More 2 secs.
Finally. Sat.
Heart hammering.
sweat tickling down my brows.
I'm gonna faint. 
Breathe. In. Out.
In..
Out...
In...
Out...
Blur. .
Something is being said..
I can't hear
I can't breathe..
I can't see. ..
Darkness. ..
Head pounding..
Something flowed in...
Water. ...
I'm. .drinking....
Someone holding glass..
Anna. .
"It's alright"
Take small sips.
She said...
The girl no more there that was seated earlier.  I'm alone with Anna in this small space.
"Your file didn't say you are claustrophobic?" Brows pinched.
"I'm.. " is this my voice? Squeaky?
"I'm. .not always " I try to say but it weezes out...
"It's okay... I have told them to let you sit by yourself. Is that okay?"
I nod. Even that is a struggle.
"Keep your head on the table and take slow easy breaths" she crouch in front of me, "later I will show you how to control your fear and not get panic attack. Okay?"
She says softly and a tear falls on my hand. My eyes are wet.

Lunch went without any drama after that. I ate soup and some bread. And a glass of juice. They were told I should be given specific diet. No meat or spice. The aroma of others lunch taunted me. As if every plate is laughing at me.
I ate and left the hall without a single word to anyone. Back to my room.

The only good thing about my room was the window. I could stare out all day and not feel anything at all. I sat there looking at sky till the light faded and stars emerged. One by one. Peaking out for candies. There was moment and someone came inside. The other bunker's keeper. From the corner of my eye I see a girl folding her clothes. She looks familiar. Hunched shoulder. Silent movements. Impassive demeanour. I turned my head towards her and looked at her completely. She was the girl from the lunch who gave me her place to sit. I feel bit better knowing I will not have to interact with her as she seem comfortable with this silence of ours. I turned back and resumed my stargazing while she did Lord knows what.

It was not until next day that we were asked to gathered in a room that looked like a mouth of anaconda about to eat us all. At least figuratively.
Curtains were drawn, I could see the pines swaying to and fro. Chairs were placed in a big circle and every chair had a number on it. When we entered we were told to pick a number from a bowl. Mine was 7th. Dread took over and I knew this is not going to be good. We all sat on the chairs that had our number. Everyone was relaxed but me? I was far from it. I knew what we coming and I was no where close to being comfortable in breaking my silence.

A lady with pencil skirt and collared button down shirt entered and introduced herself as Dr. Warns. Well warning bells were already going off in my head. 
"Hi, I'm Dr.Warns. I'm your councillor for this month" she smiled sweetly at us and I shifted in my seat. My finger went to my temple and the scratching started again.
"Now that my introduction is over" oh hell I didn't even hear what that was, "we well now move forward to knowing you all. The girl with number one cleared her throat. "I..uh.." taking a deep breath she said, " I'm Joe. I'm 17 years old and I like watching documentaries on animal husbandry. I also like to sing songs from pop albums.
It's been 3 months since I tried harming myself. I...was not a self harming person but .. . " I looked around and others were already wiping their eyes. They knew. They already knew. Somehow I didn't wanted to know why she wanted to die. But another part of me wanted to.
" one day I was walking back from school when a car pulled beside me. Jack, my senior was in it along with his friends. He said to get in but I refused. I knew better to not take lifts. I was raised by good people. One guy opened door and grabbed my hand. He pulled me in and other shut the door. I tried to scream but third guy clamped his meaty hand on my mouth and they drove away.
They took me to a cabin and threw me over the bed. They were all over me at the same time. Hitting me, biting me.
I cried, pleaded, begged to let me go but they were animals. One by one they all tore me away from inside out. I was a bloody mess. They made a clip of it and made me call my family who were away, attending my brothers graduation ceremony while thinking I'm studying for my ongoing exams. They made me tell my parents that I'm spending weekend at my friend's". For three days they raped me in ways no humans should. On fourth day they dropped me at my door saying if I told anyone they will show the clip in my school"
There was a deathly silence in the room. No one had strength to say, maybe all were so horrified by her story that they were speechless or maybe it reminded them of what they went through. The girl wasn't finished yet. But her posture had changed. There was something in her eyes that I failed to see earlier ; Will.

" I was lucky that my family arrived within an hour. Or I guess Jesus wanted me to live, they found my half dead body in bathroom and rushed me to hospital. My brother came home. I told everything to police. What was the point in hiding anything anymore. My mom said even if they release the clip it will only show their animalistic nature and no one will think bad about me. I was scared and hurt. And then I was brought here. Coming here was the best thing that happened to me in long time. It was this place that made me realise what happened to me was not my fault. No one should touch me without my permission. I have learned to not be ashamed of saying I was raped. Because it was not my choice. I did not choose to get raped. That choice was taken from me. And now, all I want is to heal."

I was shaking badly. I knew she had kept the details to herself. And I was glad that she did. I looked at each of them and saw them in new light, I, now knew that they were not lost souls.
They were survivors....
Just like I was.....