Cloverfield

13] Playing catch with .22

Emily remembered the previous day, right after Ali had skipped class: the teacher, Mrs. Hat, had called Alison's and Noel's names, but got no response. Then Mrs. Hat had told the rest of the students to read their history books and the classroom had become quiet. Emily had been feeling lonely, as if she'd been pushed away. So something deep inside made her want to talk to Maya, but Emily knew she couldn't do that because: (A) They were supposed to be reading and (B) It might mean betraying Alison, since Maya had taken her seat. But that just sounded silly once she voiced it over in her mind. But her heart clung to the thought of Ali for some reason. Alison had left her here without saying she would leave, no text reply yet.

Yet...

Ugh, the wait was making her anxious. Concentrate on something else, Emmy! Emily looked at what was in front of her: a book--it wasn't the one for History, but for English. She had wanted to finish it as soon as possible since her friends already had.

Emily read the words over and over, but she couldn't get her out of her head. It was like her brain was changing the names, finally getting some lines: "You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then."

Maya turned on Ali's desk to look at Emily. "Do you like someone?"

"W-what?" Emily said, quickly closing the book, caught off guard.

"You sound so engaged in Pip's character when you read him out loud."

I was reading out loud? Emily asked herself. "He's a good character..."

"Shh!" Mrs. Hat hissed at them.

Maya rolled her eyes, still looking at Emily, as if she were waiting for an answer.

"So..." Emily trailed off, feeling the need to fill the awkward silence. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you move here?"

"To start over new." Maya smiled and turned back around, not elaborating. But that smile had said a billion things.

Suddenly, Emily felt a quiet buzz on her pocket. She poked her head to her lap as she glanced at her phone.

I ditch you, Ali had written.

Emily blinked, feeling a rush of tears. She read the message again.

I ditched. Sorry xoxo

Emily let out a small sigh, wiping the single tears at each corner of her eyes. It's okay, she replied, even though it had brought her to the edge. Though you left me with Maya. I gotta go. Talk to you later.

After that, Emily spent the rest of the class reading her actual history book, feeling embarrassed after Maya heard her. Then she went home, ate lunch and finished some assignments. Finally, she felt she was allowed to use her phone--her mom used to take it away when Emmy didn't start her homework. Emily saw a text message from Ali.

Oh... I'm sorry, didn't mean it. But I thought you liked her?

She's... weird, Emily answered vaguely. It wasn't like her to "judge" people, but maybe she just wanted Ali's attention. But one thing Emily remained being was honest. She does think Maya's weird, maybe it's because she's not from Rosewood or maybe it's because of how observant she is, it kind of reminded her of Ali. But like she'd thought some time before, there wasn't anyone like her.

Now Emily wondered how she'd been so in denial of her feelings for Alison. But it was for the right reasons: liking girls wasn't normal. There was something wrong with her. She had a problem. She should get help. But why didn't she want to stop feeling this way? It made her happy. It was love, after all. Emily was in love with her best friend--that would be a cute thought if she were a boy in a movie. But in reality, she felt trapped on a net. The butterflies wanted to break out. But it was as if Emily was the one blocking the escape.

When Alison pulled away from their hug, Emily felt sort of empty. But at the same time, sort of relieved because Ali would totally ditch her if she found out she was weird, too. They had shared a friendly hug. It was a best friend comforting another. Emily wanted to think that. Emily wanted to feel that. But she just couldn't after finding out the truth about herself. Thinking she thought of Ali just as a friend was a lie, and she'd been living it.

"Em..." a soft voice called out.

"Huh?" Emily answered, getting out of her trail of thoughts.

"Do you want to get back inside or...?"

Suddenly, everything that had happened in the hallway with Maya hit Emily, making her remember her kind of love was cursed. Maya saying it in front of everyone was really shameful, especially if they believed it. And even though it was the truth, Emmy would have to hold it in. She thought about how her parents would look at her if they heard, faces of disappointed crossed her mind. Even worse, she thought about losing Ali.

"It's not true, so..." Emily said shyly.

"Duh. But you know how people are."

Drama-thirsty? Cruel? Yeah, I know. But... "I can't miss class."

"Sweet, Em," Ali muttered under her breath. Emily always protected her, so she feels the need to protect her, too. "Okay, then. I'll walk you to class." You're Emily's killer, Ali.

Emily smiled, but as they went inside the school, she heard whispers and felt like everyone was staring at her. She could feel Alison glaring at them, making them turn away, and squeezing her pinky finger. She dropped her on her classroom's entrance.

"...See you," Ali said... sheepishly? With hesitation, maybe?

To her, Alison was always confident. Emily smiled. "See you." She turned to the door and started walking into the classroom, but a warm hand grabbed her arm.

"Want to come over after class? I could make us lunch and..."

"Yeah."

"Yeah? Good."

"Good."