crush | g.d. ✓

o n e - G.D.

You're just a crush.

Just a crush.

But that's not saying it completely. Is there a word for saying how you are the best thing that has ever happened to me? How you're my first thought in the morning and my last at night? How you can make a bad day better instantly by just looking at me? How you make me laugh when I can't even fake a smile?

There's no word for saying I love you without actually saying it and having it out there. But we just use crush, because we can't say we're in love with someone we're crushing on. That's called being in love. But I'm in love with someone I can't have.

Everything about you is beautiful. The smile you make when you hit a great shot when you play tennis, your laugh when I tell you a joke, or your eyes which glow brighter than the stars in the moonlight. Those messy buns you hate but I love.

You brighten by day and have made me a better person. I learned to worry less and live more ever since meeting you. You taught me to enjoy everything in life and to never take anything for granted. I learned what love is, and how much I love you. Everything I do is for only you. I'm helplessly, desperately, insanely in love with you.

-

Manhattan is beautiful at night, especially Times Square. The ginormous screens covering buildings, and a few of them once had my face on it when I was on MTV with Ethan. It's mind blowing how beautiful one city could be yet there's someone even more beautiful standing right in front of me; Emily. Her long brown hair was flowing past her shoulders, which were covered by a cream colored sweater paired with jeans. Her green eyes shined from the lights surrounding us. 

She's like art in human form. But as far as she knows she's just my best friend. My feelings for her were unnoticeable at first, but as time went on, I felt the attraction to her growing stronger. I don't know why I liked her in the first place, since she was like a sister to me quickly after we had first met, but I soon realized that she meant more to me than that.

She's been the only one to stick with me other than Ethan. She was always there for me, from the time that I used to be bullied in highschool to the time when Ethan and I grew popular on YouTube. I was there for her, too. About two years back, she was depressed because she felt she had no one in her life anymore, because her dad had passed away. I took the first plane out to New York. Ever since then I decided that I couldn't be away from her, so Ethan and I moved to the city and started to make videos here, going back to Los Angeles every once in a while.

"Gray, we need to check out this ice cream place. It's called Ten Below and it has rolled ice cream with all these toppings and stuff. Let's go!" Emily says, interrupting my daydreaming thoughts. I look at her with one eyebrow raised.

"It's rolled ice cream, what's so special about it?" I ask. Her face goes blank. "It's, uh, cool I guess? C'mon Grayson, do you have anything better to do?" She responds. The expression on my face eases up as I give in to her request. 

"Sure. Why not?" I finally give in. I open the 'Maps' app on my phone and search up the ice cream shop. 

"132 Allen Street. Are we walking?" I ask, looking up from my phone into her eyes. She nods and I groan, but she gives me an easing smile so we start walking.

"Are you going to Matt's Christmas party tomorrow?" Emily asked me. I clenched my jaw and looked down. 

"Yeah," I responded hesitantly. Matt, her boyfriend, had been on and off with Emily and I despised him for it. One day he would hook up with a girl, then a week later him and Emily would still be together. I wish she could just realize there was someone better for her, right next to her.