Lightbulb || Tradley

Chapter Eleven

I woke up to my phone buzzing on the bed beside me, one of several missed calls from people I'd had today. Since I left the house last night I'd found myself in a cheap hotel just outside the city and decided to lay awake until 4am just thinking things over and thinking about how I'm going to deal with this.

The hotel was nice enough and the bed was decently comfy if I couldn't help but wish someone else was sharing it with me, it had been such a long time since I've known love, it'd just be nice if everything had turned out the way I planned and Tris would be lying next to me right now, I'd probably be all wrapped up and warm in his arms and his legs would be wrapped around mine, my head would be on his chest listening to his heart beat a thousand times.

I ignored the calls and turned my phone onto silent before turning back over and falling back asleep, only being woken up by a loud banging at my door a few hours later.

Groggily I stood up and walked over to the door, prepared to tell whoever it was to fuck off before I opened it, and behind it was a tear stained Tristan who looked sick to the bone with worry, I felt myself crumbling inter the foundations I'd just started to re-build.

Instantly he wrapped his arms around me and pulled my tight, squeezing me as I heard him let out a deep sigh.

"I thought you were fucking dead." He whispered "Don't ever do that to me again! I couldn't sleep!"

"...How the fuck did you find me?" I questioned, looking up at the tall blond as I pulled away.

"Find my iPhone." He whispered "James' idea, we're all linked aren't we? It lead me here, then I asked for your name, you apparently weren't here, so I checked under your fake name and here I am. I was so worried, I couldn't sleep once I found out you were gone."

"I just needed to get away for an evening, I would've been fine." I rolled my eyes, frustrated that I had been found.

"I couldn't help but worry after what you told me, Brad." He whispered "Please don't hate me."

"I've told you. I don't hate you. I just needed time to recollect myself." I sighed, not looking at him, knowing I'd end up staring at his lips and wishing they were on mine, or I'd look too deep into his eyes and possibly drown.

"Yeah but you could've told us where you were going." He argued "Brad, we all thought we were going to have a police officer on our doorstep, holding your coat, empty, telling us you'd hung yourself or jumped off a bridge, we were terrified."

"I'm not eight, Tristan, I can go places without telling you where I am." I snapped "You're not my fucking dad."

You wish he were your daddy though
Really not the fucking time

"Sorry Brad." He sighed "You're right, do you want to come home with me or are you going to make your own way?"

I sighed and continued looking at the floor "I'll come, we have a gig later, only fair I out everyone else's minds at rest,"

"Okay." Tris nodded "Need help sorting anything?"

"No." I shook my head, putting my phone and charger in my bag before slipping my shoes on "...I'm good."

"Alright." He nodded, his arm around my shoulder as he lead me out of the room as if I were glass.

"You don't need to baby me just because i told you I think about suicide." I said to the blond "I'm still the same Brad you know, just gay and casually suicidal."

"...Sorry I don't even realise I'm doing it." He apologised, removing his arm from my shoulder as we got into the lift "How can you be casually suicidal?"

"I'm not actively looking to kill myself, but I don't really mind if I do die." I shrugged

"Isn't that just an intrinsic human trait though?" He asked "I think we're all like that."

"Very true." I nodded "Some people are just better at not thinking about it, I guess. They don't let their state of mind have power over themselves, which is fair enough, some of us just struggle with that shit."

"Fair enough." Tris nodded as we stepped out on the ground floor, I handed my key in and headed out to the car park where Tris had parked the van.

"I've still got your Offspring CD in my car, remind me to give it back to you when we get home." He said as we got into the car, Blink-182 quietly playing through the stereo, Con being the last one to have picked a CD.

"You never struck me as an Offspring kinda guy." I shrugged "I'm still surprised you know all the word to every song on Americana."

"What can I say?" He laughed "Man of many talents I am." He winked, and goddamnit, if he weren't adamant he were straight, I'd be on it by now. "...Alright, here's a challenge for you." He started after a brief period of silence "You have to get tossed off by James in some public area of the venue tonight, without getting caught."

"Fucking easy, mate." I rolled my eyes "Guarantee I could fuck him in that venue and nobody would he a clue."

"Alright, I'm stepping it up a notch, you still can't let Connor know we aren't a thing." He raised an eyebrow "I was Gonna tell him today, but now you've gotta be sneaky with your flirting."

"Okay, if I manage it, you have to buy my drinks tonight." I raised an eyebrow

"I owe you pre and after show beer anyway." He rolled his eyes "But sure, whatever."

"Okay, we have a deal." I nodded with a smirk, finding it better to distract myself rather than even attempt to pull myself together yet.