Lightbulb || Tradley

Chapter Thirteen

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"I love you"
"What can I do?"
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"You can try to love me too." I answered quietly.

"...I don't know." He whispered, looking away from me "...My family, what will they think?"

"If they don't support you, they're not worth your time, Tris." I shook my head "but I know your family, and I know they'll love you no matter who you love."

"...What about Joe?" He asked, looking up at me with red and teary eyes "Over half the band can't be gay."

"We'll cross that bridge when it comes to it, I guess." I whispered "What do you say?"

"Hm." He sighed, looking away for a moment before I felt his hand gently brush against mine before his fingers wrapped between the spaces, they already felt like home. They already felt like they'd been there for years. "We might as well try, what do we have to lose?"

I cracked and smile and leant in again, our lips touching for a brief amount of time before we were interrupted by Joe and James walking in.

Joe cleared his throat and Tris quickly pulled himself away from me, turning back red in the face, myself not feeling particularly bothered, since coming out to Tris and James I'd found myself not feeling the guilt or the shame, of course it was still ingrained into me that I'm probably not normal and I should really try to sort myself out, but I found myself wanting to ignore that, I found myself falling in love deeper than I'd ever allowed it before. I found it a little easier to accept.

Additionally, I'd found myself less and less angry, I was able to cool it down a lot quicker than I would have before, maybe it was something to do with the cathartic effect of saying it out loud, or maybe it was just time to move on.

Of course the pain never goes, I'm still the boy without a father that probably won't ever make anything of himself, I'm still a bit fucked in the head and I'm still going to think about the what if's more than is probably healthy. I'm still going to wish I hadn't seen what I had, but I'm sure I'll be able to normalise it further, slide mourning more gracefully into my routine rather than the bursts of white hot anger or drowning depression it used to be.

"Is there anything you wish to tell me boys?" Joe raised an eyebrow at the two of us, standing so close together I could feel Tristan's warmth radiating to my body.

"...uh." Tris blushed, glancing at me, he felt awkward, it was so clear he didn't know what to do, or what to say.

"Yeah." I nodded "Mind your own business." I smiled a little before turning to leave the room, taking Tris' hand and leading him away from our manager in search of somewhere private.

"Fuck that was the scariest moment of my whole goddamn life." Tris whispered as I pulled him into an empty room that was meant to be for the support band but they had to leave after their set to get to another gig across the city.

"It'll get easier the more people you tell." I shrugged "I know it has for me."

"Okay." He nodded, sitting on the couch in the room, me instantly cuddling up to him, like I'd wanted to for years but never admitted to myself I did. Tris' arm wrapped around my shoulder gently and just held me close for a few seconds, not saying anything.

"...So you're like...my boyfriend now?" He asked quietly, a soft frown on his face.

"Yeah." I nodded "As long as you want me to be."

He nodded slowly and turned to look at me "Yeah, I do." He hummed "That also means you'll have to stop shagging James."

"...yes it does." I nodded "And you'll have to tell those girls."

"They don't even matter." He answered, shaking his head, this was the quietest and most reserved I'd ever seen him.

"...Are you okay?" I asked him quietly "You seem quiet."

"Yeah, just tapping into bits of myself I've pushed away and ignored, and not even realised existed, that's all." He smiled a little "I feel so strange, nothing really feels real...Like I've had dreams that I've dated you and stuff, but I never thought they meant anything. I'd convinced myself I was straight, you know? Told myself over and over and over."

"I know exactly how you feel, this week has been an emotional rollercoaster I can tell you that." I nodded "We're just as fucked as eachother."

"Yeah." He smiled, his hand finding it's way back into mine "Are you spending the night in my room?"

"If you want me to." I nodded "If you don't that's also okay."

"I do want you to." He nodded, turning again to look at the wall, the soft frown finding its way back onto his brow. We stayed there for about an hour before we were found by James who told us we were leaving. The drive home was awkwardly silent and once we were let into the house, Both Tris and I carried our things in and headed upstairs, tris having to take several trips to unload all his Drums, leaving them in a stack by the front door ready to be set up again in the morning.

"What do you wanna watch Tris?" I asked, turning the TV on and peeling my shirt off of my body before sitting on his bed, the tall blond watching closely as I did before shrugging.

"Whatever." He hummed, sitting next to me, his arm around my shoulder as I leant into his touch for the first time of many "I'll watch anything you want to."

"Okay, cool." I smiled "When are you going home?"

"In like three days, I'm going to get the train with James as we're going the same way." He replied "I'll just have to do two hours on my own."

"I'll come with you?" I offered "I don't really want to go home, it's always miserable this time of year..."

"If you want to." He nodded "But your family might need you, you know, moral support and stuff."

"...Hmm true." I nodded "...When are we gonna tell the band?"

"Well Con technically already knows, and I'm sure James isn't dumb." Tris answered quietly "So whenever you want." He shrugged.

"I'll be back in a minute then." I smiled softly, kissing his lips ever so gently before standing up, taking a deep breath and preparing to tell everyone. Preparing to seal mine and Tris' fate.