The Spider and The Flame (Peter Parker)

Part 18- Separation

Peter's POV Playlist
-Too good at goodbyes by Sam Smith
-A Shot Across the Bow by Mayday Parade

Peter's POV

Pulling a laptop out of her bag, Nat places it on my lap and hands me the USB. I try my best to mentally prepare for whatever could be on this drive, but I really don't know what to expect. I inhale deeply and then exhale, slowly and steadily. I slide the USB into the laptop and click open on it.

In the file folder there is only one thing on the drive, labelled "For Peter". I click it and the window expands into a Quicktime video.

I see an image of Ash, sitting in front of a computer, obviously about to speak into the lens. I click the play button immediately.

Ash runs her fingers through her hair and sighs, swivelling around in her spinning chair. She seems very nervous.

"H-hey Pete," she smiles sadly, with her eyes repeatedly darting from the camera to the floor. "If you're seeing this, then I guess I'm already gone." She bites her quivering lip, "I know I didn't say goodbye, and I'm sorry." She continues to speak, not looking at the camera at all, instead her eyes are fixed on her feet, as if she's ashamed of what she's saying.

"I want to start off by saying that I wouldn't be the same if I hadn't met you. You're the only person that I actually trust and it makes me really sad that-" she chokes back a sob, "that I had to leave you like this." Tears form in her eyes, and now she is fully crying. "When you first met me, I was closed off, walled up, scared of the world and the power inside of myself." She clears her throat and wipes her tears, then continues, "You gave me the confidence to trust in other people and feel comfortable with who I am, and I'll never be able to repay you for that. Because when I'm with you, I feel safe from the things that hurt me inside. And I've honestly never been so scared of losing something in my entire life, but then again nothing in my life has ever meant as much to me as you do..." She takes a second to breathe in and out, and wipes the tears from her eyes. She sniffles and composes herself to continue.

I nearly stop the recording, knowing that what she's saying is proof enough of how she feels. She admits that she feels safe with me, that's she terrified of losing me. I can't let her go. I need to go after her, I need her to stay with me. Nothing makes sense without her here and I can't just let my life slip like that.

She turns towards the camera, painting a serious and unsentimental expression on her face. "Look, I was always on the other team, nothing was ever going to change that, no matter how much I know you wanted to be the one who could. I wish there had been another way. I know we had some really great moments, but that's all they were. Moments. You know you mean a lot to me, and that's the exact reason why I need to leave. I don't want to hurt you the way I always hurt everyone else. I don't want you, Peter, because I need to be alone. I don't deserve to have you love me."

My memory flashes to the moment she told me she loved me, just before she set the fire. Was she really lying?

"So I'm leaving. You'll never see me again, unless we're fighting on opposite sides. You see, Peter? We're built to hate each other, we were never meant to be this close. I'm Steve's apprentice, and you're Iron-Butt's." She smirks lightly at the nickname for Mr. Stark.

"We've followed in their exact footsteps, being so close and then ripped apart by something as simple as loyalty and safety. I have to be on his side, Peter, he made me who I am. And I can't be controlled by the accords, I'm dangerous, I'd never be allowed to fight for what I believe in."

She breathes in, then clears her throat. "This video is getting pretty long..." She lick her lips, "I'm just going to get right down to the main point here. I don't want you to come after me. I don't want you to look for me, I want you to forget me. If you ever see me again, we both act like we don't know each other. This is what's best for you, and what's best for me. I know you'll be mad hearing me say this, but it's what I want and what I deserve. So go back to your life, back to being a friendly-neighbourhood Spider-Man. Go home to Ned, and Liz and Aunt May, who I'm sure is just as bad a cook as when you left home." She chuckles lightly to herself, and I chuckle too. I feel a tear falling down my cheek. "But I want you to remember, Peter, that you deserve love and you'll get it." She smiles, then looks off to her right. She sees something, something just out of view of the video and her eyes widen. Then she turns back, with a different expression from before. She looks impatient. "Just not from me. You'll never get it from me. So I'm sorry if this breaks your heart, but you just have to deal with it. And if it's anything to you, my heart is still completely full and beating. I'm completely fine, Peter, so you need to be too."

The video ends with that sentence, and I feel my eyebrows knit together. My tears have dried up and I feel my blood begin to boil. She left and she just expects me to forget about her, forget about how I felt? I told her that I loved her, and she took my feelings and dragged them through the dirt. She was playing with me the whole time, baiting me until I couldn't resist her.

The fact that she had to say that she's "completely fine" is absolutely infuriating. She's going to rub it in my face that she won her little mind game? Well, Ash, fuck you and fuck all of your little games. I'm done with you.

"Fuck!" I yell, throwing the computer from my lap and smashing it against a wall. Nat and Mr. Stark step back, giving me space. "Get out! Get out!" I scream.

Two days later

Sitting in my hotel room, I can't help thinking about what Ash said in that recording. Nat and Mr. Stark haven't spoken to me since I yelled at them, which is probably smart. I'm still pretty fucking mad. With the facility destroyed by the bitch, we all have to stay in this hotel for god knows how long. With summer ending, I'll be going home to Queens within the next few days. As far as Aunt May knows, the summer internship is just ending.

I stand from the edge of my bed and make my way over to the minibar, grabbing a beer from the fridge. I count one, two, three, four, all the way up to twelve beers in this fridge, and I intend to finish them all. And with room service being charged to Mr. Starks room, I can order whatever booze I want that'll do the trick.