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IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL MY CHAOS, there was Summer.
Her gorgeous chaos was a danger to my beautiful, ordinary life. And I knew that. But I walked right into it with my head held high, never doubting anything. And suddenly, we became this beautiful, extraordinary mess.
I still remember the day I asked her to be mine. We were fifteen, two years after we became friends. It was an ordinary day for everyone except the two of us. It was the day we confessed our love for each other; it was the best day of my life.
It was a sunny day, we had just gotten home from school and were sitting in this field we had found on one of Summer's adventures she had dragged me on.
We were sitting in this field, the tall grass tickling us as we sat back on our elbows, watching the sunset. The sky was a beautiful red colour, tints of orange and pink mixed in.
She was admiring the sky, but I was admiring her. I couldn't keep it in anymore, I had to tell her how I felt — how I had felt since I had met her.
"I-I love you Summer," I stuttered quietly. Her gorgeous chocolate brown eyes, found mine. She had looked at me for a few minutes, nothing being said.
She looked to be having a war within herself. A storm within a storm. When she finally spoke, I almost had mistaken her for an adult, though we were both so young, she had the complexity of a philosopher.
What she said to me, was written in my brain permanently. The words rolled off her tongue, with a certain sorrow.
I look back on this day, and remember how young and dumb I was. She gave me a storm warning, but I didn't pay attention to it.
Summer had taken a deep breath, fiddling with her fingers as she started to respond to my confession. "You can't fall in love with me-" She started, making me furrow my brows, ready to protest.
"- Not unless you're ready for a god damn fight. I don't want frailty, or fiction and fairy tales. I want you to be irrational, because I'm irrational. Be bold. Speak your mind. I want your passion, and priorities. Protect whats yours. I'll defend what's ours. Let us fight against routines and bad habits, and everything typical. And don't you dare quit. Not on us, not on yourself. God help the person who threatens us. Forgive me when I let you down, but don't ever overlook it it, or allow it. We're all insecure about something. Show me yours. We're all terrified. Turn to me when you are. People come in and out of my life so often, I just look for a love that stays. I do't mind your blemishes and scars, I have a few of my own. Falling for me may be easy. Staying with me will be impossible. But you deserve a love that most people don't believe in anymore." She had taken a deep breath, all I could do was blink.
"And I'm ready to give you that love, but before I do, you need to know what your getting yourself into." She was trying to tell me how big of a mess she was, but that only made me love her more.
She was right, falling for her was easy. And it would be a privilege to stay with her forever. She was somewhat right, though. It's impossible to stay with her. She was only right however, because I didn't know what I had until it was gone.
I had nodded, "Oh I know alright."
Looking back, I really didn't.
[ authors note ] the first few chapters will be like this, but the story will get going soon :) i love you💕
