FAZED IN MARRIAGE [2; F.R F.A]

chapter 16• only fighting my demons, love

I stared seemlessly at the high white ceiling above me, as I thought about things. It's been about two months since I've spoken to anyone back home, and I can't seem to distract myself from the petrifying flashbacks of Alex dying horrifcally in my arms. I let out a sigh as I heard my alarm clock go off for the fourth time. I reached my arm out to the other side of the empty motel bed and pressed snoozed. I slowly sat up in bed, and trudged over to the other side of the room where there was a desk, and on top of the desk there was a closed box, papers, and a black pen.

I've been running far from home, and all the people I once called family...

I pushed Nordan out of the way before giving Alex's dead corpse one last glance. Nordan called after me, but when I turned around he wasn't behind me. I was so used to being chased by someone, and without it I feel almost- empty. I ran and ran without looking back. I needed to get out of here as fast as I could. I hated the feeling of this town, this place, and all the people who live in it.

The tears ran down my face rapidly, and I could practically feel my makeup smudging everywhere. I could feel myself momentarily breaking down inside. I detected the urge to stop running, and to just collapse and sob into emptiness. But I know he wouldn't want that for me. Alex absolutely loathed the idea of me being sad and miserable. So I kept running. And running, and running.

Until there was nowhere left to go.

I ignored the visions that I've grown to get so used to, and I forced myself to sit in the wooden chair. I rolled my shoulders back, and tilted my head to my sides, trying to get as comfortable as I can. I lifted the black ink pen from the table, and observed it silently. I didn't know what to write. This has grown into a routine over the past two months, and I don't think anyone would ever understand it.

Dear Alex,

You've been gone for quite awhile, and I miss you. I miss you and your stupid jokes. I miss your smile, your eyes, and I miss hearing the sound of your laughter. Although the one thing I'll miss the most is the nights where we laid in bed talking for hours. Usually talking about how different our lives would be if we hadn't met. And every time I said "What if you find someone else in the future," you would say, "I'd never leave you princess. I love you, always." I miss those times with you Alex.

Anyways, enough about me. I haven't seen the guys and Ally in a long time. But I doubt they would want to see me now, after I've been gone for so long. I know you would probably tell me to shutup because I sound fucking stupid, but I've missed so much Alex. Ally's baby is two months old, and I haven't even got to meet the little guy yet. Who knows what Lucas is up to, and Nordan... I feel like I should go back, but I can't face them Alex. I mean, what do I even say? "Yeah, hey guys, I'm back. Ya' know? The one who killed her boyfriend, and your guys bestfriend. Mmhm, that's me everyone!"