THE NOSTALGIA GENERATION [wattys 2018]

GENERATION L.O.V.E.L.E.S.S

i'm writing this at two in the morning, 

barely functioning on whiskey and weed,

at a party my friends made me go to,

i see you with that t-shirt from two nights ago

you're avoiding my gaze like it's make out of laser,

ready to burn and sear you into pieces,

i remember your kiss like glass shards,

from nights of being drunk in crowded clubs;

but i don't mean much to you 

because we're generation l o v e l e s s

i think i'm actually incapable of genuine emotions,

because i'm a cynic who refuses to let people in,

my mother thinks i'm awfully indifferent,

she's right so i pretend to seem interested; 

and work on fruitless endeavours to give a fuck, 

while drowning myself in sirens of trap music and rap rhythms, 

swaying my body with people i call my best friends,

and writing tales of golden boys and gilded girls,

twirling in sunshine, holding hands and falling in love

but what do i know???

after all, i'm part of generation l o v e l e s s. 

you erode my coats of armour and walls of steel

like rust and water and metal,

and even after i told myself, ten thousand stories later,

this isn't going to go well, and believe me, it didn't,

i'm here paralysed in a paroxysmic moment of words,

hurtling at me like rapid machine bullets, 

bemoaning about a soul that will never

consider me as an equal,

and you have me here, lying on alabaster sheets,

as sleep obnoxiously eludes me,

turning you in the currents of my mind, going one two three

like the beat of a love song playing behind our lips

(maybe i'm not as loveless as i thought as i was)

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autobiographical content tends to be shittier than my usual stuff so....