Aperture

f/16

23. I'm really in awe that I made it to this age. At the same time, it's a number. I shouldn't bind myself to it with certain expectations. God has been so gracious to me. Our relationship is growing, and I just want it to continue. My life is so different than last year. Honestly, I'm still processing the changes. It's more difficult writing this than I expected. I don't have any grand plans. Only to continue to trust in Jesus and seek after Him. Continue in faith. Don't settle for a guy you know isn't pursuing God with all his heart. Literally, put God first! You've decided to go to school to be a counselor and one day open a poetry spot. Counselor is the main focus now. I feel this is a God motivated choice. Scripture talks about the ministry of reconciliation. Isn't that what a counselor aims to do? To aid in the minding process. I would be a Christian counselor of course. It's all very exciting but also gives me anxiety, a lot of things do nowadays. God is helping me with it, showing me where my trust is versus where I think it is.  

Day by day the way becomes clearer. Allowing reconfiguration of heart rhythm. What's the best way to fight the system? The answer in the question:  Find the best way. How do you test it? Put the plan into action, what fruit manifests? Better examine with an honest glance. Please, do not be deceived. The devil will show up in a way to make you believe. Truth indeed sets the receiver free. Possessed by personal will, can't say the devil made you do it. The choice up to each individual. Follow Jesus or self? 

I don't believe I was born gay. The idea was presented to me. Honestly tossed and tossed around in my brain to the point of adoption. Where is the origin of your beliefs? The ones so core to your identity. I know I was born...look I'm here writing, and you are reading this. The world is constantly telling us what to do, and who we could be. In this room, we're poets, thinkers, and seekers. What's your definition of truth? We are alive on this earth. Are you aware of other spiritual realities? If you can see, they are divided. Two kingdoms in opposition. One of light, one of darkness. To which do you belong? 

This chest full of earthquake doesn't define me. Speak the words soul be free, but is it so easy? Let's examine the shaking.  w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶l̶o̶s̶t̶.̶.̶.̶.̶ a̶n̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶g̶a̶i̶n̶e̶d̶,w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶t̶., .̶.̶.̶.̶A̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶i̶t̶i̶e̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶c̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶e̶t̶.̶.̶.̶.̶, .̶.̶.̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶s̶.̶.̶  Examine the shaking, process overload. Too much flow, for such a lack of expression. Anxiety a sign, lost his perfect peace. Why? Thoughts on things above or ground level. Can he handle the wreckage? Please don't use it as leverage. Devil, you have no power to change my destination. I'm choosing to follow no hesitation. Stand firm in your faith, even when the world within quakes. God is love. This isn't a  matter of chance or fate. He can handle my doubts. 

They say it's the newness of Christ, hope it never wears off. Isn't it up to me to put it on? Let my mind be transformed. Dying daily given mercy, it's new every morning. Trust Him to show me. Evidence, see this life changing. Don't let the devil still the seed away. Stick to the plan. Water, soak in the sun don't complain. If you're really set free why is your joy bound? Renounce the inequity revealed within. An honesty only the chosen can stomach. A surrender so profound. The book is scratching the surface...oh you know it? Next step, walk it out. Please be aware everyone is watching. May get confused when you shout. Even through the shaking, don't give root to doubt. Let God be true. So justified in word and overcome judgment. Seek to hear, well done. Live by His promises, trust in the son. Jesus Christ. 

23. Every time I see the number I'm floored. How has another year gone by so quickly? I can look back over the past and see times I ran so far from God. Now here I am believing and seeking to be closer than I feel. There are things that still cause me pain but less than before. Keep writing, keep singing, keep trusting in God. Continue to seek his truth. The mixed emotion about God is gone. I'm so open with Him about how I'm feeling. It's funny because he already knows....somehow it makes a difference when I speak it out.  I'm looking at my past in a new way. Illuminated. The devil can't use it against me. I find myself wondering sometimes what the devil thinks...but I shouldn't dwell in that line of thinking it's a snare. I still get random thoughts to cut my hair. The truth of the matter is I no longer look at life with despair. What Christ has called me to, He gave me the strength to walk it out. And will continue to each day, IN HIM. John 3:16-21 & 1 Corinthians 6:11 spoke to me.  Hopefully, all of this will spark a conversation.