Instagram || FaZe Blaziken

Update

it's been two weeks since the incident. i haven't spoken or seen Lucas since.

i miss him..

i haven't really been keeping in touch with anyone except Maddie, Julia and Alissa. i would respond to Alex, Nick and Banks every so often, but i'm trying to distance myself from them. i can't be around them and not be around Lucas. it's next to impossible.

there was one night that i almost texted him. i was gonna tell him that i miss him and i wanted him back, but Julia tore my phone out of my hands once she saw me typing away.

i was drunk.

but you know what they say right? a drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

i knew that if i were to text him, i'd be the one apologizing and i have nothing to apologize for.

i just want him back.

i'm currently sitting on our apartment's roof staring off into the city of lights. it's so pretty. i'll never understand how i feel so comfortable sitting outside at night, just stargazing or staring off into nothingness. it's just so homey.

it's currently 1:23AM and i'm completely lost in my mind. i'm completely lost in this world. i'm so happy because i'm out here and following a passion of mine, but so sad because of everything going on.

i'll just try to sleep it off.

i climb down to get into the house and go straight to my bedroom. i hook my phone up to the bluetooth speaker and play my 'Love Sucks' playlist. i head into the bathroom to wash my makeup off when i hear my text-tone play through the speaker, lowering my music.

i sigh and walk over to my phone, still rubbing the make-up wipe across my face. i pick up my phone and head back towards the bathroom.

i unlock my phone and go into my messages.

my heart drops when i read the newest notification.