N.J. ➵ C.A.
moving from a small town in New Jersey to a big city in California is quite the journey. what will happen to Gabby and her best friend Julia when an app gives her everything she never knew she wanted?
{i recommend listening to this video to get you in the tone of this chapter}
i can't believe i agreed to this. i was doing so good. well, fairly good. i know i'm just gonna forgive him and crawl right back into his arms.
i've been bummin' around the house all day and pretty much just preparing for tonight. i've been giving myself little pep talks here and there to not let myself fall into his trap.
when it's about 6 i start to change to meet lucas. i don't dress up because it's so late and i doubt i'll be there long. i throw on a cream sweater with adidas leggings and white converse. i'm too lazy to put my contacts in, so i just grab a pair of my many glasses and slide on my converse.
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~skip car ride~ once i reach the beach, it's 7:15. i'm late, but that's normal. he should be use to it.
i slowly make my way to the pier, thinking to myself everything that could happen. i also tell myself not to fall for him. don't crawl back into his arms no matter what.
once i'm finally under the pier, i stop to lean against a post and kick a little bit of sand. i'm impatient so i pull out my phone and text lucas, asking if he's here yet. i hear a ding as soon as i hit the send button and my heart drops.
it has to be him.
there goes my heart. racing once again.
why did i agree to do this?
because i love him..
or at least i did. who am i kidding? i still do.
"Gabby?" he asks.
i turn around but stare at the sand, using my feet to push it around. "10 minutes lucas." i say sternly
"can you at least look at me?" his voice cracks
"i really can't lucas." i feel the tears swelling up.
"listen gabby," he grabs one of my hands, but i pull them away fast. i see him staring at his hands, not knowing what to do with them. "i know i fucked up and i know you didn't come here for me to say 'oh. she kissed me. i didn't kiss her' and all that shit. and even though that's what happened, i'm not gonna put you through that. i want to know that you're okay. i want to know that you're still as happy and strong as ever. i want-"
my anger and sadness was already boiling. i couldn't hold back. tears of anger spilled from my eyes and i exploded.
"how do you expect me to be okay? the boy that i am completely and utterly enamored with destroyed me. and the worse part about it is that i'd still do anything for you. i still love you. i still want to be with you. why? beats me. i guess there's just a part of me that's hoping that you'll be the good, amazing, sweet guy that i know you are. that you've been before. i know you're a good guy with an amazing heart, but you were replaced with a vision of a monster at that club. you had me thinking i wasn't enough. that i wasn't pretty enough. because of you, i started drinking heavy and resorting to pot to make me feel something. something that i only felt when i was with you. i wrote more than ever. every paper more tear-stained than the last. the club scenes became normal to me. i'd go out wearing the most revealing outfits so i could get a compliment from a stranger or a free drink, just to heal some of the pain. i did all of this because you broke me. i did all of this because i just wanted to feel pretty again."
