All in my Head

Ava

Ava Peterson was a bit of a mystery, though she never saw herself that way. She was a sweet girl, always trying to behave politely, especially around adults, even though she, herself 20, was seen as an adult by most people. On the outside, she appeared a quietly confident young woman; fashionably dressed and young with bright olive skin, flowing dark brown hair, and light brown eyes with just a hint of greenish-gold around the pupil. When she smiled, she smiled wide, eyes turning up and squinting a bit in the process. And when she laughed - and she laughed quite often - her laugh tumbled out loudly, as if even she herself wasn't expecting it to fly out with such exuberance. But that's how you knew she was genuinely entertained by what you just said. There was none of the stiff chuckling, forced contented sigh of "ahh" when she was politely pretending her coworker's jab at the boss was funny, or that uncomfortable and unsure hiccup of a laugh she did when she didn't quite hear what her acquaintance had said but was too embarrassed to ask her to repeat it for the third time. When she laughed for real, there was no mistaking it.

For as much as Ava laughed, though, she made others laugh more. Although one-on-one she tended to be a bit more reserved (depending on the person), Ava absolutely thrived in a group. She was witty and confident and her mannerisms - little shoulder jimmies, lots of hand gesturing, wide, expressive eyes - made any and everything she said come alive. She was truly and utterly hilarious. In group settings like this was the only time an outsider or acquaintance got to see what Ava considered to be her true self.

Because although Ava could come across as shy, especially in new situations with unfamiliar people, she was truly an absolute goofball at heart.

When she was at her most comfortable, she revelled in being completely carefree, often singing songs loudly with goofy made-up lyrics, skipping, twirling, and hopping around her house, often joined in her frolicking endeavors by her equally as jovial mother, Jane. She loved these times, when she was free to be completely herself without having to worry about judgment from anyone but her 3 brothers and sister. But even this didn't bother her as she too loved to poke fun at the people around her. Not in a mean way necessarily (unless she was in A MoodTM), but in a way that was always equal parts scarily accurate and comedically exaggerated. These zingers, armed with her quick wit, made almost any casual conversation with Ava a near guarantee that you'd be laughing at something she seemed to say effortlessly. Perhaps that added to her humorousness. Her comic abilities seemed to flow so naturally, so abundantly, as if no thought whatsoever was involved in her electric one liners.

But unfortunately, Ava didn't see herself as the cheery, funny gal that she was in reality - sadly, par for the course.

It's not like something tragic or traumatic happened to Ava. She wasn't bullied in school or abused by a weird uncle or anything like that. And honestly, most times she felt totally fine. She adored her life and knew she couldn't - and frankly had no right to - complain. But there was one area of her life that had always been severely lacking, and it, for whatever reason, made all the difference in the world to Ava.

Boys. Or men, as they would likely be considered as 20+ year olds. As a young girl, Ava was much shier, a trait that, even as young as kindergarten, was severely exacerbated by the intimidation factor involved in talking to a member of the opposite gender. Growing up with 3 brothers should have prepared Ava in some way with talking comfortably with boys, but sadly, something was lacking - and she always feared it was she herself.

Maybe it was hereditary. Her mother and grandmother before her had notably low self-esteem, ranging from a general lack of confidence in their abilities, to the belief that they were somehow uglier than the average. But that simply wasn't true. It was easy for Ava to spot the flaws and danger in her mother and grandmother's ways, but it was much harder for her to see those same treacherous tendencies in her own behavior.

Though she certainly had low self-esteem deep down, Ava never let it show to those around her, save a few close friends and her sister, Ria. She loved being social and mingling with new people, even if it did often lead her to feeling as though she must be fatally annoying at times. And she had no doubt when it came to her academic and intellectual abilities. But still, when it came to boys, Ava found herself utterly alone. She tried not to complain about it - as she was a firm believer in letting things be and allowing fate to take control. Always hearing things like "You'll find love when you're least expecting it," Ava had tried her best to keep her expectations low. Despite wanting nothing more than a committed boyfriend, Ava felt as though maybe if she pretended inside that she didn't care, she could somehow trick the universe into thinking she truly wasn't expecting it. Then fate would, in turn, give her the perfect boyfriend of her dreams, straight from the pages of the cheesy teen romance novels Ava had been reading virtually nonstop for the better part of the last decade. As if having a little romance in your life was wholly dependent on apathy. But the more she tried not to care, the more concerned Ava became.

But even with this stark lack of romance in her life, Ava truly was a happy person. She wasn't jaded in the slightest, and, in fact, believed in true love probably more than the average 20-year-old. Ah, to be naive* (*read unhappily inexperienced). Ava truly had so much in her life she knew she was lucky to have; her family (a happily married mom and dad, and four mostly happily related siblings), her friends (great groups both near home and back at school), and now, a great new internship in the human resources department of World Wide Finance, a financial firm based in her home city of Philadelphia . So as she entered the summer after her sophomore year of college, Ava was hopeful, and ready now more so than ever to forget her boy (or lack thereof) troubles.