All in my Head

Chapter 4

Jonah's POV

I'm happy to be seated next to Julianna. She seems nice and very normal, a relief after Kacie's aggressively friendly display this morning.

"Hey man," a boy whose name I'm pretty sure is Eric pops his head over the divider between our two caddy-corner desks. "What's your name again?"

"Jonah," I say, happy to see this dude seem friendly too.

"Ah, right," he says. "I'm Evan." Shit, it was Evan. I'm chronically horrible at remembering names.

"Cool, nice to meet you man," I say casually, already foreseeing a possible friendship here.

"Hey, you're Julianna, right?" Evan asks my new deskmate.

"Yup," she responds easily.

"Sweet, could I maybe ask you a favor?" he asks delicately.

"Uh, yeah, sure I guess," Jul responds a bit hesitantly.

"How would you feel about possibly switching desks with me? I'm sat right next to the window and as great as the view of the city is, I'm deathly afraid of heights and I'm lowkey panicking over here," he rambles. "No pressure or anything," he continues quickly, "I'm just kind of on the verge of either pooping my pants or passing out. Or both," he blurts.

Julianna and I both laugh before she kindly obliges. "Wow, well when you put it that way how can I say no?" she jokes with him as he's already gathering the few things from his desk and heading over to our side.

"Thank you so much!" he says, legit dropping his notebook, pens, water bottle, and lunch all over Jul's - now his - desk. "Woops, my b," he says as his water bottle, having landed horizontally, begins to roll across Julianna's brand new notepad, leaving a trail of water from the loosely secured cap behind.

Jul and I watch in amazement as the amiable whirlwind of a human that is Evan finally sits down in Jul's freshly vacated chair.

"Thanks again, Julianna," Evan says with a big cheesy smile, settled at last.

"It's no problem, really," she says earnestly as she makes her way to the opposite side of the cluster. As her head disappears from sight, Evan already has his chair turned towards me and has started talking about the "good vibes" the office is giving him. Though he is extremely talkative and kind of a mess, Evan's friendliness doesn't bother me the way Kacie's does. Maybe it's because her incessant chatter almost exclusively revolves around her and what she thinks, or that her energy is clearly on the level of a hyperactivity disorder, but there's definitely a stark difference between the two. Thank God.

I look to my left towards cluster 1 to see which unlucky bastard got stuck next to Kacie only to discover it's Ava. I can see her already sucked into a conversation (if you can call a one-sided, self absorbed rant a conversation), a polite smile plastered on her face. Ava twirls a piece of golden brown hair, unconsciously tying and untying little smooth knots, as she listens to Kacie. I don't know much about Ava yet, but I can already see from how politely she's responding, laughing and nodding at all the right times, that she's a much nicer person than I am. Or she at the very least has a lot more patience than I do. I guess there's a chance Ava actually likes Kacie, but the look Ava shoots Julianna as she walks by the first cluster on her way to the bathroom confirms that Ava likely isn't looking to be Kacie's new bff. Phew. So Ava is possibly too polite for her own good, but at least she seems to have some good judgment.

As I'm still gazing over in the general direction of cluster 1, Evan follows my gaze.

"What are you looking at J-man?" Apparently I'm J-man now. He looks over to the first cluster before saying what I can only describe as the greatest misunderstanding of my young life.

"Yeah, that Kacie girl is pretty hot," he says. Completely nonchalant, as if he didn't just compliment the human blackhole (she sucks all of the energy out of everything around her) that is Kacie. Before my brain can even register the absurdity Evan just uttered and promptly oppose it, Jul and Ava walk right past our desks, Jul murmuring something about the great view. I'm suddenly worried that they heard Evan's comment and assumed I felt the same way. I want to go up to both of them and explain that I in no way find Kacie Lewis attractive, but now it's too late for that as both girls are already standing by the window chatting, hopefully having long forgotten about the comment altogether.

I watch as she and Jul look out the window right in my direct eye line, blocked only slightly by the frosted glass desk divider. Ava's talking animatedly, gesturing wildly to Jul, apparently recounting something funny enough to make quiet Jul snort. I suddenly yearn to be a part of their conversation, to listen in and be the one Ava is so excitedly talking to.

This yearning doesn't worry me or cause me any sort of anxiety, though, despite being an unfamiliar feeling for me. Instead, looking at Ava gives me a weird feeling of assurance and contentment. Almost like I don't have to fret about wanting Ava; like somehow I already know I belong to her and she belongs to me. That whatever this summer will turn into will happen on its own. That I don't have to worry about Ava slipping away.