All in my Head

Chapter 7

Ava's POV

As I walk into the office, saying hello to Martha, of course, I remind myself to be calm and confident. I spent a very relaxing weekend with my best friends from school at the beach, where we each talked about our respective internships. I gave them a run down of the cute boy situation I had at work (now officially called Operation Jonah), and after some courage (both liquid and literal) and support from my friends, I decided I was going to officially say screw you to letting fate take control. I was sick of constantly wavering in between letting things happen the way they're "meant to be" and taking charge myself. This was my summer, my crush, my heart, and I wasn't going to sit back and let things just happen anymore. Along with this new attitude came the promise to my friends that I would walk into the office Monday morning confident and happy, as if I was the hottest piece of ass to ever enter that goddamn beautifully decorated office.

Surrounded by my closest friends and on my third glass of Rose, it sounded easy back then. But now that I was actually here, I was feeling like this was about to be a lot more difficult than I realized. There was a reason, after all, that confidence was not my preset condition. In a last minute decision, I turn right down the hallway into the kitchen. Though this is technically a longer route to my desk, I need a bit of a distraction and a little more time to gather the courage I need to put this act on. I get myself a coffee, and decide to get Jul one too, remembering that she likes hers black and scorching hot. Then, I take a deep breath and walk out of the kitchen, just a little to the right of the second cluster, where I could see Jul, Caramel, and Jonah fervently discussing something. As I approach, Jul goes and sits back down in her desk, making the opportunity perfect for me to sneak in, give Jul her coffee, and get a quick glance at Jonah.

"Morning, guys," I say cheerfully, swallowing my nerves that have absolutely no right to be there. "I got you a coffee, Jul," I say, setting her coffee down on the corner of her desk.

"Oh wow, you are seriously the best," she says, taking a sip of her coffee. I wince in pain just watching her sip the scalding liquid. She winces too, but proceeds to take a big gulp. Ouch.

I'm about ask her how in the world she drinks coffee at that temperature when Evan loudly asks me if I can bring him coffee in the mornings too.

"If you play your cards right, maybe," I say with a coy smile. I then decide to be bold, tilting my head to the right a bit so I can look directly at him while I say, "Same goes to you, Jonah." He looks directly back at me, and I hold his attention for just a beat too long, trying to savor this time I have with his beautiful sapphire eyes.

"Hey, I'm on it, anything for a free coffee," Jonah says back to me, holding eye contact the entire time.

"Who said it was free?" I quickly say back, relieved my quick wit hasn't seemed to disappear like it sometimes does when I'm around outgoing, deliciously good-looking people. I then turn away, not wanting to ruin this good note I just ended on. "See you around, guys," I say over my shoulder as I walk back towards my desk, hoping I came across as confident as I feel right now. For a moment I don't even care what Jonah or any guy thinks of me, this feeling of confidence and self-assuredness is so wonderful and new that I feel like I can take on the world. But as I sit down at my desk, I look back towards Jonah's desk to see him smiling slightly while gazing in my general direction. As I sit back in my chair, I can't help but think this view of Jonah's smile is the best way to start a Monday morning.

-------------------------------------

By Thursday of this same week, I've fallen into a nice little routine here at WWF. I walk into the office, say hi and maybe chat a little with Martha (aka the sweetest woman in the entire world), then proceed to the kitchen to stop and get coffee for myself and Jul, and occasionally a breakfast pastry of some sort for Evan and Jonah to fight over. I still mainly talk to Jul while I'm over there at the second cluster, but the first step of any blossoming romantic relationship is face time, right? The time that I just simply spend near Jonah, in a place he can definitely see me. Because the more he sees me, the more he gets used to the idea of me being around. I know this may seem like the way a 12 year old might handle a crush, but given my amount of boy experience, I am practically a pre-teen. Plus, I live for the few moments when Jonah joins in on the conversation and he can finally see my personality shining through. Despite my new confident take on myself, I still feel pretty strongly that my personality is what is going to carry me through, so this face time phase can only last for so long before he loses interest. I estimate that by next week, I have to implement the next phase of my offensive: talking to Jonah on a regular basis. But in order to do this in a casual, totally didn't spend hours planning this with my friends, kind of way, I need a guaranteed in with him. I need to find out something about him other than the fact that he is nice enough to allow Evan to eat all of the breakfast goodies I bring the two of them.
While I almost always eat lunch with Jul and a few of the other girl interns, for some reason, the guys have yet to join us consistently. Caramel Evan sometimes comes and eats with us, although I think that's mainly just to spend time with Julianna. There's definitely something going on between those two, even if they themselves don't realize it yet.

I casually (or as casually as I could manage) asked Evan one day why the rest of the second cluster didn't join us for lunch, even though I only cared about the one navy-eyed member of that particular cluster. He responded by quickly glazing over the fact that Jonah had a call scheduled every day from 12 to 1:30 with his hyperactive supervisor who was located in a satellite office elsewhere yet still liked to micromanage everything he did. As Caramel then dove into an depth discussion about how weird and standoffish their reticent deskmate, Nick, was, I tried to hide my disappointment, realizing that this minor inconsistency in schedules was going to make things a lot harder in Operation Jonah.

As I rode the train home that night I took advantage of my window seat and listened to some melancholy folk music, staring out the window wistfully, mourning the loss of a boy I never had and frankly maybe hadn't even lost yet. The part of me that so desperately wants fate to take control of my life, if only out of pure laziness, believed that this small lunch obstacle was a sign that this simply wasn't supposed to work out with Jonah. I tried to put the thought out of my mind for the rest of the evening, but couldn't help but be reminded of it at dinner as my brothers and sister, all four of which were happily in committed relationships, talked about each of their respective significant others. Feeling left out, per usual, I so badly wanted to say I had someone at work I was about to be in a relationship with, but realized that day's developments may have changed that (as well as how utterly insane that sentence would sound to my hyperaware mother and therapist father).

By Thursday, though, I was back on target, eyes and heart set firmly on Jonah. I was going to make this work no matter what lengths I had to go to. Desperate? Yes. Crazy? Maybe. Discouraged? Never.