Optical [h.s fanfiction]

Chapter 17: Sound

              The call with Niall had only increased my anxiety. My converse covered in black pounded against the concrete streets of Seattle. My breath was surprisingly steady as I entered the familiar coffee shop. However, it didn't last long as I met eyes with his blue ones. Jareds face seemed to light up when he saw me. Guilt rushed to the surface and my breath became uneven. I took a seat at my usual spot and just waited. Waited for myself to gain the courage. Waited for the right thing to say. What was I supposed to say?

"Hey, Bea" A smiling Jared interrupted my thoughts.

"Hey" I almost stuttered.

"You have impeccable timing. I'm on break" His smile didn't fade.

"Walk with me?" I looked up at him.

He nodded and untied his apron and set it on a hook behind the counter. I stood by the door and waited for him to tell his co-workers where he was headed.

"Shall we?" Jared opened the door for me.

I flashed a weak smile and exited the coffee shop with him by my side.

We had been walking for a short while when Jared broke the silence.

"So what brings you here? I guess that's actually a pretty dumb question since you come to the shop almost every day" He said with a bit of embarrassment.

I released a laugh and inhaled sharply. I lost all train of thought, everything that I wanted to say had vanished.

"Jared, what is this?" I motioned between us.

"You mean us?" He questioned where I was going with this conversation. I could see he was worried.

I simply nodded. I wanted to know what he thought before I tried to explain myself.

"I don't know really. But, I do know that I like you, Beatriz. I like you a lot"

A feeling I couldn't identify rushed over me.

"I like you too Jared"

He looked up from the ground and smiled at me. At that moment I knew I couldn't tell him the real reason why I decided to go out with him on a date that day. Why I acted as if I was interested when in reality I did it to make someone else jealous. Through all of this, I did gain feelings for Jared. That part was true, I couldn't deny that.

"Kiss me" He said.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion from this moment on. I looked up at him meeting his gaze. I could see the feeling in his eyes. It was genuine and true. I wonder what he saw in mine. My lips grazed his as I gently closed my eyes. I did what I was told because in that moment I was done talking. The sound of my voice annoyed me frankly because everything that exited my mouth was deceit.

/ / /

Jared and I parted ways after we shared the kiss. He had to go back to work and I just had to get out of there.

My plan to tell him the truth failed because I was a coward. I valued saving myself over telling him what he needed to hear. I try to justify it as me not wanting to hurt him because I've hurt enough people in my short lifetime. I don't want to hurt him but I know I already have and I continue to do it because I'm selfish.

The buzzing in my pocket interrupted my self-pity.

A text from Niall. Great.

Niall: Meet me in the library ASAP

Niall frequently used ASAP and it started to lose its urgency when he would use it for the simplest things.

I texted him back 'B there soon' and slid my phone into my back pocket. I walked over to the mirror that hung on the door of the dorm. Examining my outfit I decided I wanted to change into a different shirt. I exchanged my plain t-shirt for an off the shoulder white long sleeve. This way I looked a little bit more put together.