My personal Hell

Missing You

It was in the morning after, when the sun climbed its way to the highest point in the sky, that I felt it; Pure pain, agony in the simplest state. How could life dare to go on without you? And how could the sun still shine so bright without you?

It was when the notes of your favorite song played in my head for the billionth time bringing the darkness that I thought I had erased from my being that I felt it; Despair, sadness and emptiness. How could this symphony still be so beautiful when it brings me so many tears? And how could these notes fill the entire song but still it seems so empty?

It was when the night filled the air and remembered me of all our stories. It was when the cold air of the night filled my lungs and brought inside all the memories.

I had left suspended in the air my heart hoping the freezing rain would wash away all the pain but it hasn't rained since your presence abandoned my side. My heart was once a beautiful red rose but now it's nothing but a harmful cactus. Pain transforms people. Life transforms people. My heart will never beat as strongly as it once did and my tears won't ever have a joyful meaning as they once did. I won't find as much pleasure in life as I once did and the sky won't look as beautiful as it once did. The ocean won't seem as scary as it once did and my eyes won't ever shine as bright as they did when you were here.

And I know you want me to smile. I know you're watching over me while I'm writing these torments my heart created. I know you've caught all the tears my soul cried during the painful nights. I know you've watched my struggle to keep breathing and I know you wish I've never loved you as much as I do because deep down that's my strongest wish too. I know you wish things were different and I know you would sell your soul for one last hug. Darling, I would sell my soul just to see you one last time because my eyes miss the beautiful expressions of your face and my heart misses that presence of yours that pictures can't keep. I would give everything to see your chest moving one last time... I would give everything to have known what I know now... When your heart was still beating, I wanted you to love me but now that I don't feel your presence anymore all I want is to stop loving you.