My personal Hell

Dark Paradise

They say Heaven is a place, on earth, with the ones you love the most. Baby, a place, on earth, with you is as close to Hell as it is to Heaven. Being with you makes me feel as bad as it makes me feel good. I love you. I hate you. I love that I hate you and I hate that I love you. I want you to hold me but I don’t want to feel your hands on my body because my skin will never forget your touch. I want you to kiss me but I don’t want your lips on mines because I’ll never forget your taste. I want to give you my heart but, to be honest, I’m so scared… My heart has been broken, destroyed and rebuilt way too many times. I know I can’t take another disappointment… I can’t let down my defenses no matter what and I know it’s not fair to you… I know you’re trying to save me but I was the architect of my own destruction. I break my own heart over and over again just to feel something. How can you fix me? I’m just a broken machine, ready to self-destruct.

And oh, honey, how I wish I could let you go… I wish I could set you free, I wish I could let you be happy… But every time I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise. It’s you and I. No one else matters. Just you and I… I’ve lost touch with reality. What’s the point in waking up when your dreams are way better than the overwhelming truth? I don’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not, between what’s right or wrong. You feel so real but, at the same time, such a sweet dream. You feel so right but, at the same time, so wrong. You taste like a flavorful cure but, at the same time, like a deadly poison. Maybe that’s what you are… Maybe you’re such a good reality that it feels fake. Maybe you’re so right that it feels wrong. Maybe you’re one of those great medicines that taste like poison; maybe you’re the poison I need to kill the monsters inside of my head. And maybe, just maybe, that’s what love is. And maybe, just maybe, you’re exactly everything I need.