we always have something to clean, whether it be dishes that need to washed, clothing that needs to be washed or a closet that needs to be emptied out. so we take the time to take all the clothing off the racks, the ones we wore only once to that one party to satisfy the neighbors. we give away the sweater that we wore for that rainy day out in town. we give away the heels that we wore ones to the office and wore never again. we give away the new tiny shoes that never got the chance to feel the warmth of their owners tiny feet... we keep the tiny shoes right where they are.
we move on to the nick-knacks that we got from that adorable shop from the opposite side of town. we see the record player that once played my favorite record until it got completely scratched and it was not the needle that scratched it. we take the painting of the tiny boat on the big ocean that we had for the room, never was it hung because the room was never made.
when we come across that box that we hid away in the highest shelf of the closet, we take some time to clean off the gathered dust and leave your prints on the box.
there comes a time where we sit down and see what we left behind,
the beautiful prom picture that we took, right next to the prom ticket that allowed you and i to dance the whole night.
the movie ticket on our first movie date, the one that led us to go up to the roof and have our first "kiss", a kiss that was not made to happen.
you close the box. you realize that you need to clean more than your closet. i need to clean up my life. i have you and im grateful to have you. i feel as if i do not have you entirely here. i feel like i am losing you right in front of my eyes.
i do not want to think that it is me. i do want you to be happy and not have to be pulled down by me. so tell me, if i am the one that is bringing you down then let me know. i can't have you feeling down, i want the best for you and nothing more. please tell me how can i clean up our lives so it can be good and healthy together.
i am not sure that i am the one that you want, i see the way you look at her, maybe it's just something in my eyes. i hear the inside jokes, the ones that scar my heart when you and her laugh at the same thing. you and her, that thought hurts, but if it is what you want, then so be it. i cannot be in the way of your happiness.
