Daniel Seavey
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idea credited to @etoilemel
I stare at the textbook, just like I have been for the past forty minutes, but the words and sentences refuse to formulate into something that I can comprehend at all.
A huff of held-in emotions escapes my lips as I look over from where I'm sitting on Daniel's bed to my backpack on the floor that holds all of my schoolwork. Just seeing the countless papers and folders inside that are still waiting to be worked on are enough to cause tears to well up in my eyes.
It's too much. Projects, tests, quizzes, papers, work, responsibilities. It's too much.
All I want to do is sleep. Give up. Let go of everything.
But I can't.
The pressure and stress of everything that I am so far from accomplishing suffocates me to the point where it's difficult to breath and tears are leaking from my eyes.
This life is weighing me down.
School is taking over my life. Work occupies my free time. There always something to do.
All I want to do is leave it all alone and go downstairs to be with the boy I love. But I can't; I have too much to do. I can't afford to waste time.
That thought doesn't make anything better.
My head drops to my hands as another sob racks through my system, shaking my shoulders, taking my breath away.
You don't have time to cry. You don't have time to break down.
Just as I pick my head up and attempt to force myself to calm down to the point where I can read again, the door to Daniel and Jack's shared bedroom creaks open.
I look up with stinging eyes to see Daniel standing stock-still in the doorway.
When our eyes meet, his expression melts with worry and care. After closing the door softly behind him, he makes his way over to the bed, not looking away from me for a split second.
"Baby," he whispers. My heart breaks at his tone.
He sits down next to me and that's all it takes. I fall into him while all of the tears I've held back since he opened the door escape me.
"I can't do it, Daniel," I cry softly. "I can't do it."
"Shhh," he says comfortingly against my forehead. "Yes you can, love. Yes you can."
After that, I don't speak, mostly because no words have the ability to provide justice to what I'm feeling. This sort of anxiety and desperateness and stress has a power that can take over your whole being- a sort of state no words can describe.
I don't know how long I lie against my boyfriend's chest with my arms hanging loosely around his waist, as his are to mine. Long enough for my tears to dry on my face and my breathing to regulate and my eyes to become heavy with the sleep I haven't gotten in too many weeks to count.
I want to stay in this moment forever. Safe, warm, somehow calm, but I know I can't.
Too much to do.
With a soft intake and exhale of breath, I pull away from Daniel and sit up straight.
I don't look at him - even though he's sitting right across from me - until he reaches up to my face to gently tuck a strand of my mussed hair behind my ear.
I lean into his hand that is cupping the side of my cheek as my eyes flutter shut. Comfort and peace runs their course through my body and I once again wonder how he can manage to calm me after such a raging storm of emotions.
