Her Midnight Thoughts

3

Struggles

Minsan sa buhay natin, darating yung punto na lahat ng problema ay magsasabay sabay. Yung tipong darating sa point na gusto mo na lang magpatiwakal. Yung matulog na wala nang gisingan. Yung tawawid at magpasagasa na lang sa rumaragasang truck. Yung maglalakad sa tulay ng ilog Pasig at tumalon roon. Or di kaya magpakalunod na lang sa alak at mawala na lang sa katinuan.

Isa man lang dyan ay nais kong gawin para hindi na ako nahihirapan ng ganito. Ngunit kapag gagawin ko na, hindi ko pala kaya. Kapag ba ginawa ko iyon, maireresolba ba? Mawawala na ba sila? Hindi, ako lang ang nawala, hindi ang problema ko. Dadagdag lang din ako sa magiging problema ng mga taong maiiwan ko.

So, instead of having suicidal thoughts, we just need someone na pwede nating kwentuhan ng problema natin. Like our friends. Lahat naman tayo may mga tinuring naman siguro na bestfriends. They don't need to say something, all we need is someone whose willing to listen.

Pero minsan, yung taong inaasahan nating nandyan para makinig, wala sa oras na kailangan natin sila. Busy. Busy manood ng Kdrama. Busy magbasa ng wattpad. Busy kadate si jowa. Busy busyhan kasi wala oras makinig sa drama ng buhay natin. Pero kapag sila itong depress depressan, gusto nilang kinocomfort sila. Papabili pa ng comfort foods, demanding kala mo naman ang heavy ng kinakadepressan. Lablayp lang naman. Parang lahat laging tungkol sa kanila. Sometimes I feel like no one cares about me, everyone else is busy with their lives.

Di ko sinasabi ito dahil loveless ako, it's just that, may mga taong mas grabe pa ang problema kesa yung pag iwan sayo ng jowa mo. My problem is how to survive for the next day.

You guys will never understand because you're weren't in my shoes. You don't know feel what I feel.

And if you let your problems take over you, lahat madadamay. Yourself, your studies and even your job. You cannot think right.

Ending your life isn't the answer. All you have to do is to pray. Because when everyone has failed you, always remember that God will never fail you. If you make God the center of your life, hindi ka maghihirap. Di ka man matulungan ng mga taong inaasahan mong tutulong sayo, God will always make a way. Because God loves us. God cares for us kahit madalas binabalewala natin siya. Lagi na lang natin siyang tinitake for granted. But still, tinutulungan niya pa rin tayo.

When God puts a tear in your eye, it's because He wants to put a rainbow in your heart.

I can't believe I'm saying these things kahit ako mismo, hindi ko iyon nagagawa. Because, I never made time for him. May time ako mag fangirling pero pagdating kay Lord, wala akong naging time. Kaya ngayon, hirap na hirap ako.

I know I'll get through this, because God will never give me a problem I cannot handle. :)

Dear Self,

I know you're going through a lot these days. I just want to let you know that after the rain, there is always a rainbow. Magiging maayos din ang lahat. Tatagan mo lang ang sarili mo. Lahat ng problema ay may solusyon.

Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering and doubting and just have faith that things will work out. Stay strong, make them wonder how you're still smiling. Because sometimes, the most important lessons in life are the ones we learn the hard way.

So, please, learn how to smile. You are pretty when you smile. I love you. :)

Love,

Me

♡♡♡♡♡

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