Well, that couldn't have been more embarrassing. Me, a grown woman, zoning out and happens to look up in time to hit the clearly visible and newly washed glass windowed door. That embarrassment is going to last years into time. William barely held back his laughter. I turned to him, stunned, slightly amused, and a little bit woken up.
"Just be glad you were the one holding Dakota that time."
"Feel awake now?" William said holding the door open for me.
"I think so. I don't know why we went inside to get coffee when all I clearly need to wake up was to walk into the coffee entrance door."
"Could have saved us money too."
William walked by my side with an amused smile on his face as we made our way to his car parked in the parking lot. Dakota was fast asleep in his arms which made the sight of him with her all the more sweeter. I wanted to lean over and plant a kiss on his cheek. I grabbed his free hand and intertwined my fingers in his instead.
He couldn't contain the laughter anymore. "You are such a dork!"
"I'm also the dork that had your baby. I think that makes you also a dork for loving a dork."
"How long were you wanting to use that argument?"
"Since you first told me that you loved me."
"And you held it in this long."
"The opportunity just presented itself." I said taking Dakota gently from his cradled arm.
The apple crisp smelling fall day couldn't have been any better. The breeze is just perfect and comforting. The day felt completely relaxing for a Saturday.
"It also takes two dorks that love each other to make a baby." I continued
"I'm gonna pretend that you didn't just call our baby girl a dork."
"I think it is still up to fate to decided whether or not Dakota will turn out to be a dork just like her parents as well."
"I don't think fate really has a key role to play in anyone's lives. I think people just use that as a way to just cope with the way that things have turned out in their lives and for them to place the blame on something else other than their own risky life decisions."
"Okay, who slammed the door in your face?"
"You did. A few years back, when you refused to let me in at first." He let go of my hand briefly to adjust Dakota in his arms.
"I'm sorry..." I had literally and figuratively slammed the door on his face. Saying it was trust issues seemed like a horrible excuse for the way I treated him. I still regret it everyday.
"In the long run, I did end up getting to know you a lot better and fall in love with you so I think it was worth it." William winked at me trying to make the mood a bit more lighter again.
"That you did. You also taught me and showed me that not everything in the world is scary. You also taught me that scarred things can also be beautiful."
"Yeah, now you are getting way to cheesy." Will handed Dakota to me so he could grab her baby car seat from the back seat. He turned it on the seat and turned it so the front of the seat was facing him. He gave me the hand signal that he was ready to take Dakota from me so he could buckle her in. I handed Dakota over after planting a kiss on her sweet cheek.
I watched as Will buckled her in. My weirdo with my daughter. Our daughter. Both of them blessings.
I had dreamed about having a family of my own before my attack. Afterwards, I thought that no man would look at me twice once they knew, nor could I ever see myself in a position to letting a guy ever get that close to me to get to know me as a person. In fact, in my late teens I pushed most suitors away because of fear that I could never be loved. William proved me wrong by first refusing to let me push away our friendship. Then later refusing to let me believe the lie I'd told myself since that night.
Will got Dakota all buckled in her car seat and snapped the car seat into the base, checking to make sure it was secure. He looked up at me and began reading my facial expression. Funny how after so many years of knowing each other you learn how to read and interpret even the smallest facial expression.
"What?"
"You beautiful. And thinking again."
"I'm constantly thinking in case you didn't notice." I said walking over to the passenger side.
"Don't you wanna drive?" Will said holding up his keys.
"Nah, I trust you with that more than I trust myself with that."
"I'm not going to argue with that."
"I'm not going to even question that." I said laughing.
William always picked on me for my driving skills, most of the time in good humor, other times I do notice that he grips the side bar on the passenger side. And half of the time I'm going below the speed limit, so I have no idea why he gets so nervous. It humors me though.
William turned the keys in the ignition and turned his head as he backed out. He caught my eye and winked.
We rode in silence for a while before he decided to break the silence.
"So, how has the therapy going?" He asked turning his head slightly in my direction to make eye contact with me. His tone serious and curious.
"It's been insightful. I don't know why I didn't go in after everything and insisted on getting help before hand. Too stubborn before now."
"So how did you meet this lady?"
"She's my mom's friend's older daughter. Which I didn't even realize before I went for my first session. Actually makes me more comfortable talking to someone I kinda know than someone who is a complete stranger. Plus it's a women's clinic specifically for women like me, which also makes me feel more comfortable. She's also Christian making me even more comfortable."
"Have you talked about it at all?"
"No. I don't think I'm quite ready yet. Telling you everything back when we were first dating was hard enough, and I honestly don't know if I was even ready then; I just wanted to be open with you, I guess. But she does think that my video personal blogs to myself are a good outlet to let my feelings out. Even saying that my writing and drawing is beneficial with letting the feelings flow out to."
"When's your next session?"
"Wednesday. I have it right after school, because I have to be on campus that day. My mom already agreed to letting me drop Dakota off at her place for the day instead of our normal routine, so we should be good. If I can separate myself away from Dakota for that long."
"Isn't it just an hour session?"
"Yes, but I'll be gone away from her most of the day. Thankfully I do most of my schooling online now, but still."
William looked at me. "You know she will be fine separated from you for a few hours. It's perfectly okay. And your mom is amazing with her."
"I know. Just still difficult for me to separate myself from her after being so close together for so long."
William took one hand off of the steering wheel and reached over and grabbed my left hand, intertwining his fingers with mine.
"You got this. I've seen you conquer so much already. You can conquer whatever next comes your way."
YOU ARE READING
Becoming
General FictionDestiny...Something that she felt she never had, even though it was her name. Life had been cruel in some areas, with one experience leaving her to forever deal with Post-Traumatic Stress. In other areas though, life had been forgiving especially wh...
