Just A Fool- Nathan Sykes (Fan Fiction)

Part 18- Hopeless

Surgery day 2. I wake up at 12, only having gone to sleep at 5 because my nerves are shot. "Kelly, we have to be at the hospital soon. Are you awake?" I hear my mom scream from downstairs. "Yes mom." I say and I drag myself out of bed and into the shower. 

I've been getting more headaches and they get worse with each one. More dizziness and nausea as well. I know that they will be doing scans on me first to check if the tumour has grown or not and to see how much the doctors will have to do on me in surgery. I'm so worried that they are going to tell me that the tumour has grown, and that it is even worse than before. Because that is how it feels. I've been trying to hide as best that I can because I don't want to worry my mom or Nathan. I got 2 stories in to my boss, doing the best that I can inbetween the headaches and the nausea and so for now she is satisfied. Nathan has just been having show after show and I think we have had 2 proper conversations that lasted fairly long since he left. And I speak the other boys even less. I miss them all so much but they won't be coming home anytime soon.I had hoped Nathan would come for the surgery but I understand that he can't. 

"Let's go." My mom says. I hear her get in the car and my make the way slowly down the stairs. As soon as I got out of the shower, the nausea and headache hit me at the same time and my nose started bleeding. I know that this isn't a good sign because I am supposed to be getting better, I should only get mild headaches and hardly any nausea but that is not how this is happening. I know that the doctor is going to give me bad news after the scan but I can't bring myself to really accept it. I keep telling myself that it is completely normal for someone that has a tumour and that I am going to be perfectly fine. Although the more I tell myself this, the more hopeless I actually feel. Eventually I get into the car and my mom gives me a worried look. "Kelly. You look pale." She says, putting her hand to my head to feel my temperature. "You're burning up." She says, worry in her voice. "Well I do have a tumour mom. And it's normal for me to be bad a few days before the surgery." I lied. I hated lying to her but I didn't want to make her worry. She was under so much stress as it was and I was the main reason for it. "I hope so." She says and starts the car. 

"Kelly. Right on time. You can go through to the scan room." The lady at the front desk says and I give her a friendly smile before I leave my mom and make my way to the scan room which is right at the end of the hall. I try and walk as straight as I can even though I feel as if I am going to pass out any minute now. 

"Kelly. Welcome back. Please sit." Dr Matthews smiles at me as he shows me to where I must sit. "How have you been feeling?" He asks. "Not so good, I'm worried. I have been extremely nauseous and dizzy. I'm surprised I didn't pass out on the way over here and my headaches have been quite bad." I say and he nods. "Not to worry, I'm sure it's nothing. Tumours and their effects can be very unpredictable. Have you been taking all of your medication as you are supposed?" He asks and I nod. I can see by the look in his eye that my effects are not normal, not when I have already had one surgery but it's his job to reassure me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Even when it might not be. 

I spent much longer in the scan room than I usually do and I just knew that something was wrong. I couldn't see Dr Matthew's face but I knew that his expression would tell me exactly what I already know. "Let's get you into surgery Kelly." He eventually came in and said. Everything was very rushed after that. Nobody would tell me anything about the scans. I had to get dressed in the hospital clothes quickly and the nurse practically ran as she wheeled me into the surgery room. I could see my mom outside and the worried look on her face. She was also crying. I thought the doctor was supposed to make me feel better and reassure me that everything was going to be okay, but that is not the case. "Dr Matthews? What's wrong? Somebody please tell me something." Nobody answered me. I was lifted onto the surgery bed because I wouldn't move. I tried to sit up but the nurses held me down. They put the gas mask over me and told me to count but instead I looked around. I didn't know what was going on and I felt as if I was going to have a panic attack but the gas started to kick in. The last thing I saw before I went under was my mom crying and Nathan pulling her away from the window. 

*Nathan's P.O.V* 

I ran into the hospital, knowing that Kelly was going to be in soon and I wanted to see here before she went in for the surgery. I was supposed to surprise her early this morning but the plane was delayed. I recognised a nurse from the last time I was here and went over to talk to her. "Excuse me, do you know if Kelly has already gone in for surgery?" I asked. "Yes she just went in. Are you Nathan?" She asked and I nodded. "Kelly's mother is in bad shape, if you could take her away from the surgery room and help her that would really help us." She said and she walked off to the surgery room. I wondered why Kelly's mom would be in bad shape, Kelly has done this same surgery before. My stomach started to sink as I followed the nurse to the surgery room. I saw Kelly's mom standing outside, crying and asking if she could just talk to Kelly quickly. I quickened my pace and put my arms around her, taking her away from the window. Inside was Kelly, looking worried and slowly going under. 

"No Nathan,I have to talk to her." She said and I sat her down in the waiting room. "Why? What is going on?" I asked, not bothering to hide the worry in my voice. "There was something wrong with the scans. Her tumour has gotten worse. Worse than it was before and she might not pull through. There is a slight chance that they will get out as much of the tumour as they need to. And if they do then there is still a chance that the next time she won't pull through. I can't Nathan, if she di..." I didn't let her finish before I put my arms around her and she cried on my shoulder. I kept telling her that Kelly would be fine, that she is in good hands, for my sake and for hers. I can't live without Kelly, I can't. I know that her mother and I are both feeling hopeless.