Just A Fool- Nathan Sykes (Fan Fiction)

Chapter 14- Next To You

"Kelly. Wake up, we have to leave soon." I heard Nathan say but I stayed under the covers, not moving because I really do not want to go. I barely had any sleep last night because all I could think about was the surgery, and what if it there are too many complications and they won't be able to do anything about my tumour. I'm absolutely terrified but I haven't spoken to Nathan about any of this because I have put him through so much already. He didn't ask for any of this, but I know that no matter how much he doesn't want me to be in this situation and no matter how much he doesn't want to be in this situation either, he will never leave. Leaving to go on tour is not something that can be helped but I know that he will always come back. 

"I know that you are awake Kelly. We're going to be late." Nathan said and I slowly started to get up, not looking at him because I would look at him and get a sympathetic and sad look from him that just breaks my heart. I let him in, I fell in love with him again knowing exactly what might happen to me and that was selfish of me. Sometimes I wonder if we would still be here together right now, completely in love, if in the beginning he had known of my tumour like I did. I should have pushed him away as soon as we started to get our feelings back, then he would go on tour happy and without a worry and I would feel better because I wouldn't feel guilty about him loving me and having to go through all of this with me. I had started thinking about all of this yesterday already, after he told me the surgery would be sooner and I started distancing myself a little from him, feeling stupid for only thinking now how selfish I am really being. I know Nathan has noticed, he slept on the couch yesterday, but he would never say anything. He is probably thinking I am just worried about the surgery. I love him so much but I wish we had never met because it would make things a whole lot easier right now. "I'll leave you to get dressed." He says and leaves the room.

My mom comes up a little while later to bring me some breakfast and I'm still sitting in bed. "Kelly, you should have been up and ready ages ago." She says and I just look at her, taking a piece of toast from the plate she brought up and taking a bite. "You have been a little off since yesterday afternoon Kelly and I know you too well to just believe that it is because you are scared of the surgery." She says and I burst into tears. She sits down next to me in a rush and puts her arms around me. "I'm being selfish mom, aren't I?" I ask her and she doesn't answer for a bit. I know it's because she agrees with me. "What makes you say that?" She asks and I give her a glare because I know she knows what I'm talking about. "Nathan. He shouldn't have to deal with all of this. He didn't know about all of this when I made him fall in love with me, and now he is stuck." I say. "Don't think like that Kelly. Nathan has loved you long before any of this. I know what he did to you, and it was terrible, but Nathan has loved you for a long time Kelly and he has never stopped. You didn't make him fall for you, he is not at all stuck. He wants to be here for you Kel, I know he does because he cares about you. If he didn't want to be here then he wouldn't. Okay? Don't ever think that you are being selfish and that he doesn't want to be here." She says and I smile. "Now get ready, You have to leave soon." She says and I get up and into the shower as soon as she leaves, thinking about what she said. She is right. Ofcourse she is. Nathan could have left like he did years ago, I'm not forcing him to be here. And I should be grateful that he is. 

Nathan and I drove to the hospital in silence, occasionally he would look over at me but I couldn't look back. He took my hand and we walked into the hospital together. "Good morning." Nathan said to the woman sitting at the reception desk. "Good morning, how may I help you?" She asked. "Appointment for Kelly." He said simply and she clicked away on the computer. "Ah yes, the nurse will be here soon to prep you, for now you can take a seat." The woman said, pointing to the chairs behind us and giving us a warm smile. "Thank you." Nathan said and he took me over to the chairs.

"Thank you for being here." I said after a little while of silence. "Ofcourse Kel, always. Is something else bothering you?" He asked. "I just don't want you to think that you have to be here and go through all this depressing stuff with me. And...I'm sorry." I said and Nathan looked over at me, with a confused look. "What are you talking about Kelly? I want to be here because I love you and I care about you. What are you sorry about?" He said and I looked away. He took my chin and turned my head to look at him, his eyes begging for me to answer him. "I'm sorry for making you love me and for putting you through all of this." I said. "Don't even go there Kel, I have loved you since the beginning, despite everything. You didn't make me do anything I just did. I don't want to hear anymore okay?" He said and I nodded, smiling. "I will always be here Kel. Right here next to you." He said and gave me a kiss. 

A few minutes later the nurse came and took me to the surgery room to be preped. Nathan wasn't allowed in the surgery room, and even though I really wanted him there, next to me the entire time, even though I wouldn't be awake, it was good because when he goes on tour then he won't be here at all and I need to get used to it. 

I went into a room to get changed into this horrible hospital gown. The nurse sat me down on a chair and took out a shaver. "Whoah, what is that for?" I asked, leaning back a bit. "The doctor has to cut into your head dear and that will be a bit difficult with a lot of hair there." She said and I nodded, closing my eyes while she shaved a patch of my hair off. Thank goodness there are no mirrors in here. "It will grow back." She said, noticing my worried look. "Will I lose my hair completely?" I asked her. "There will be medication that you will have to take after the surgery, different to what you have been taking, and it might cause you to lose your hair completely yes, but it might not. It is different for everyone." She explained and I nodded. She put a hair net on me, with a hole just where she shaved my hair. I lay down on the table in the surgery room, and the nurse put a needle in my arm. "You can't be awake for the surgery, so this will cause you to sleep okay?" She said and I nodded. I saw the doctor's coming in as I slowly drifted off. 

*Nathan's P.O.V*

I watch as the nurse takes Kelly off for her surgery and my stomach sinks. I hate this feeling. I love her so much and I can't do anything to help with what she is going through. What if I'm not good enough for her? She needs someone who can help her better, and be here for her always. I won't be able to when I go on tour. I shook my head to snap out of it. I musn't think this way, I can't leave Kelly again, I won't. I would never forgive myself and neither would she. 

"Hey mate, everything okay?" Tom said as he sat down next to me, and the other guys around us. "We were hoping to catch Kelly before she went it." Jay said, with a sad look on his face at missing Kelly. "Yeah just thinking." I said to Tom. "You just missed her by a few minutes. You'll see her when she gets out, don't look so depressed." I said but Jay ignored me. "I know that look Nathan, what's up? Don't say its because your worried about Kelly, because I know that's not all." Max said as he stood in front of me with his arms crossed. "I won't be here for her like she needs me to be, she needs someone that will be. And what if something goes wrong? I won't be able to handle it." I said and they all got angry with me. "Don't even go there Nathan." Siva said and I sighed, but he was right. "She needs you. And even though you won't be here the whole time, when you are here it will make it all the better and she will just be happy to have you around, even for a little while. So shutup and suck it up, you love her and you're just scared. That's okay mate, but don't be. And everything will be fine." Max said. He was right, as he always was. I musn't think like this, I must focus on Kelly and her getting better. I have one more week with Kelly before the tour and I will make every minute count.

Jay got us some food and we all sat in silence and waited for the doctor or nurse to bring us news about Kelly. It had been a while now and I got up and started pacing. I didn't ask how long it would take but I didn't think that it would take this long. "Relax mate." Tom said to me but I ignored him. I was just about to go up to the woman at the reception desk to ask how much longer it would be when the doctor came out and called for me. 

"How is she?" I asked immediately. "Kelly is great, the surgery was a success but ofcourse you know there will be more surgeries and she will have to come back here often for some other things." He explained to me and I nodded. I relaxed as soon as he said the surgery was a success but I knew there would be more, and the rest might not be such a success. "She is resting now, but you can go in and see her. All of you." He said, looking behind me as the other boys came up behind me. "She should be awake soon. She will have to stay here over night however for observation and if everything goes well then you can take her back first thing tomorrow." He said. "Thank you." I said and I walked off to Kelly's room, with the boys behind me. 

We all grabbed chairs and sat around her bed, waiting for her to wake up. I leaned over and stroked her cheek. 

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I know I know, my internet completely spazzed out on me but its better and faster now so hopefuly I will update more. I'll try as best as I can but matric is rough haha. Thanx for reading and voting and being patient with me and still keeping with the story :D xxxxxx