Thoughts

The Night

A/N: Hey guys just wanted to say that the following words are triggering so if you get triggered easily or something like that with these words don't read.
.Selfharm
.Attempt of suicide
.Insecure thoughts
.Bulimia
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Kurt's p.o.v

Your worthless. No one loves you. Blaine settled for you. You are alone.
Thoes words are all that goes through my mind all day, that and that I'm fat. Blaine left to go to the store earlier today but I think he went somewhere else he's going to leave me I can feel it. I have been distant to him I think he notices but just won't say anything. I know it's wrong but everytime Blaine leaves I take a blade and cut my arms once on each. I know it may sound weird but I like the burning sensation it makes me happy like I need discipline and I do for being so ugly. I also make myself throw up everytime he leaves. No one loves me I know they don't, they pretend and pretend to be happy around me but I don't think anyone has been genually happy around me since my mom died.
  Blaine. Blaine. Even saying his  name makes me blush yes after 10 years he can still make me blush. He deserves much better so so so much better. He setteld for me he may not say it but he did.
        "Honey I'm home" Blaine yelled. "Shit,shit,shit,shit" I said frantically hiding the blade covering my arms and running out of the bathroom. "Hey did you get something for dinner"I said faking a smile like I have for the past couple of months. Does he even notice? "Yeah I got your favorite its spaghetti night" he said putting the groceries up. Why is he so cute? Even just standing he can look adorable.
"Did you go anywhere else today"I said hesitantly he looked at me puzzled. "No why did you need something"He said trying to read my face. "No reason I just wanted to know that's all".
The rest of the night was pretty normal we made dinner together as usual at dinner while talking about random stuff. Then came night time. I was serious about how we do night time I use the bathroom first Blaine never comes in. I do my skin care and if i didn't shower in the morning than I would at that time brush my teeth and then it was Blaine's turn. I always wear pjs to sleep because 1. I hate my body and 2. Blaine can't see my cuts.
  We crawl in bed kiss each other Blaine tried to deepen it but I pulled away "Night love you" I said rolling on my side. "Babe" he asked. "Blaine I'm not in the mood for sex"but that's not what he was going to say next. "That's not what I was going to say ar-are you bleeding"? I looked at my arm and saw blood and it was socking my sleeve. "Babe let me see"Blaine said grabbing my arm "NO"I yelled pulling my arm away. "Babe let me help" I was freaking out how did one from way earlier today start bleeding this was bad "BLAINE NO" I said standing up. "What's wrong with you let me help I don't want you to bleed out". He's lying he doesn't care that your bleeding he just doesn't want the bed bloody. "NO DON'T TOUCH ME" Blaine looked confused but I didn't care he can't see he will leave me. Blaine slowly got up off the bed I felt tears stream down my face. I was letting out tears I didn't know I was holding in until now. "Babe what's wrong are you ok" His voice was soft and soothing I wanted to show him but I can't. "Babe please tell me what's going did-did you hurt yourself" he questiond. At that moment he said that I bursted into tears and fell to the floor. Blaine ran over to me. "Baby what's going on" He said sitting down next to me. I say nothing and hold my arms out he slowly removes my sleeves from my arms gasping. I had cuts all over my arms I'm surprised I'm not dead though I wish I was. "Baby" Blaine gasped "did you do this to yourself". I couldn't speak so I just nodded. He put his hand under my chin so I would look at him. I was still crying no noise but tears were streaming down my face.
  "Tell me what's going on" he said.
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Sorry I now this was crap but i hope you enjoy anyway!