Rock N Roll ( Andy Biersack / BVB )

Let's Love

To be completely honest; I'm sacred to go anywhere now. Is that normal? I'm plagued with fear. Fear of going somewhere and it going under attack. Fear of losing someone I love to the hate of another. If I die, okay, but I don't want to live if someone I love dies. I'd rather stay indoors and never live my life to the fullest. Is that bad?

These attacks are one word; scary. What goes through someone's mind to do such horrible and despicable things? How could they do that? How could they even think to try and hurt someone, let alone wound/kill thousands without blinking an eye? Without feeling remorse?

I couldn't even sleep fully after I heard the news. Someone I knew when I was in fourth grade, was at that concert. We were never close, but I always looked up to her. I thought she was so pretty and cool; I wanted to be like her. I remember when I heard the news, I was checking, like, every 30 min to see if she would update on Instagram saying her and her friends were alright. I remember the feeling of dread fill up my bones. I may not have been close to her, but I was so so worried that something had happened to her. I was worried the only way of knowing what had happened to her was on tv, announcing the names of who died, or someone from my old school informing everyone when her funeral would be. I was so damn worried.

Imagine how all the families and friends that heard the news and couldn't get in touch with their loved ones felt. The panic, the dread, the slowly going insane not knowing if you'd get to see your loved ones ever again. They thought they would be seeing them soon. Either it be the next day or in a week or so. Maybe they left something unresolved. Maybe they fought. Maybe they just forgot to say "I love you" before they left. Maybe they all thought they would do it all after they came back, from a supposedly safe festival. It was a time of music, freedom and love. An escape from this horrid world. Who would've known evil was in their escape? Who would've known they wouldn't be safe?

His plan was pure evil. Kill and hurt. Infest our minds with worry and fear. And that bastard succeeded.

I know we shouldn't be afraid. We shouldn't let fear hold us back from living. We shouldn't let this hate win. But it's so hard. So so so damn hard, and I wasn't even there. I wasn't the one running for my life. I wasn't the one crying and screaming because my loved ones got shot and died in my arms. I wasn't there. I can't even imagine what those people are going through right now. The shock, nightmares and absolute fear running through their system. We don't know what they're going through, all we can do is pray for them, their families and friends. Pray for a peaceful mind. Pray for those who are injured, to heal quickly and for the pain to go away. Pray for those who have lost their loved ones. Just pray, pray and pray. This is something that no one should go through. No one.

Honestly, I didn't know how shook up it got me, until I started writing this. Not until my phone started to shake a little, because my hands were shaking, with all the words that I wrote. I didn't know exactly how everything felt until I started this.

Now, If you or a loved one has gone through this; I am so sorry you had to go through this and I'm thinking and praying for you. And it's okay to be afraid. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay. You're not supposed to come out of this like nothing happened. Because it did. Don't let it define you. Don't let it rule you. Let it make you stronger. Let it make you appreciate life and embrace your loved ones more.

Now, this is for everyone -including myself- reading this; Let things go. Don't fight with your family or friends. Don't hold onto grudges. Don't forget to hug them everyday. Don't forget to say "I love you." Don't forget life is so short, and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. All we have is now. Don't waste it. -Now, this isn't a pass to make you go do whatever you want a make havoc. Get your life straight. Turn to God. He's the only one who can give us hope and peace during this time.

Now, let's not forget all the Police, EMTS, Veterans and anyone else who ran towards the bullets, trying to save and help people. They risked their lives, in hopes to save others. They also have family and friends who love them. They had to push aside their hearts, desires and thoughts away from themselves, in order to save other people; so those people would make it back home to their mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, nieces, nephews, wives, husbands, etc. even if they wouldn't make it back themselves. So, Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you a million times. Thank you for risking your lives. Thank you for fighting for our safety. Thank you for all your hard work. Thank you for be brave and selfless. Thank you so much.

And I also want to say, I'm thinking and praying for everyone who was affected by all these hurricanes. I couldn't imagine everything being stripped away from me like that. I hope you can get the help you need, and try and rebuild what was torn down. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Just know, we haven't forgotten about you and we're still praying for you.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense and is all over the place, my head is all jumbled up. But I will go back to the beginning, where it all started; Yes, I'm scared. Terrified. But hopefully with this, we can become stronger. More unified. Have more love and compassion for one another. Help each other out as much as we can. Be less selfish and more selfless.

Let's pray for these attacks to stop. Pray for wisdom for our leaders. Pray to not be afraid. Pray for a peace of mind. Just pray.

Yes, they can tear us down and shake us around, but they'll never win. We can't let them. Let's stand together, in prayer, unity and likeness. Let's not be a nation divided. Let's conquer and win.

Let's love.

•In this post, please do not ask or write anything about any of my books. When I'm gonna update, and things like that. Please, just take a moment of silence, pray and think about all the people affected and who are hurting. It's not the time about books right now, it's about all these people who are broken. They deserve to have people praying, worrying and thinking about them. Let's show them we're here for them. Thank you. I love you. Stay strong and safe•