Will we ever be ok?

Chapter 3

Near the end of the fourth month, they found out the baby’s sex. It turned out they were having a little girl. Jungkook was so happy at the revelation, he picked Jimin up and spun him around as soon as the doctor had finished with Jimin’s ultrasound. Jungkook had always wanted a daughter first, his mother had once told him having a girl first represented good luck in many cultures. Of course, he would have been just as happy with having a boy, he was still just excited by the fact they were having a child at all. Jimin too was happy with the news. He rubbed his tummy on the way home smiling to himself. He couldn’t wait to meet their little girl.

By six months Jimin’s tummy had grown in size and it had become increasingly difficult for Jimin to see his own feet anymore. Things between him and Jungkook were okay but had become a little strained in the last couple of weeks as Jimin began losing confidence in himself. Jimin felt fat, he felt heavy and ugly and didn’t believe Jungkook when he would tell him otherwise. It had gotten to a point where Jungkook had accused him of fishing for compliments when in reality Jimin really was feeling depressed with his figure. He knew pregnancies tended to cause the bearer to gain weight but he felt he’d gained too much. He felt undesirable and it was all affecting his self-esteem. He wasn’t fishing for compliments he was genuinely growing depressed but Jungkook didn’t realize that and so he’d offended the elder by telling him to shut up and stop trying to ask for reassurance. To any trained professional it would be obvious that Jimin was depressed, but Jungkook didn’t realize it was that bad.

Jimin did stop, but in stopping, he grew more and more insecure. He’d end up crying in the shower on particularly bad days and even on good days, he’d sometimes end up locking himself in the bathroom to cry for a little bit. Jungkook didn’t notice this behavior at first but soon recognized the behavior as odd, and grew worried when he heard the elder crying one time while locked up inside the bathroom. Jungkook decided to figure out what was going on that night he heard Jimin cry for the second time in the bathroom.

“Jiminie why were you crying earlier today?” Jungkook asked.

“I-it’s nothing,” Jimin answered stiffening in Jungkook’s embrace.

“Hmm, I don’t believe that…tell me what’s wrong.” Jungkook demanded.

“…” Jimin remained silent but grew more and more tense.

“Jimin.” Jungkook voice became harsher.

“Promise…you won’t get mad,” Jimin whispered pulling himself out of Jungkook’s arm and sitting up slightly.

“Fine, I promise,” Jungkook replied.

“…I…I feel…ugly…every time I look in a mirror…I just want to throw up, because I look so ugly... and I-I’m not f-fishing for compliments b-by saying this.” Jimin replied shakily. Jungkook had made promises before to keep his temper in check but had broken them and so Jimin was worried he would break the promise he’d just made now and yell at him. Jimin didn’t think he could take any yelling at the moment, he was pretty sure if Jungkook said anything negative about him at the moment he’d burst into tears and end up angering the other even more…it’d be a cycle on repeat and he’d be helpless to stop it.

“Why do you feel ugly?” Jungkook asked tone neutral for now.

“I…my stomach...I-it’s just r-really big…bigger than it s-should be…e-even the n-nurse said so…she s-said I sh-should stop eat-eating so much…and that y-you must be d-disgusted b-by me as w-well.” Jimin stuttered out feeling tears well up in his eyes again remembering the doctor visit they’d had earlier that day.

Jungkook had left to go to the restroom once the doctor had finished with the sonogram. As Jimin was waiting for Jungkook a nurse, the one who’d always checked on Jimin and Jungkook when they came in, had come into hand him pictures of their little baby and while giving them to him she’d off-handedly commented about Jimin’s weight. She had claimed he shouldn’t be that fat just because he was pregnant, and had suggested he lay off the junk food he’d obviously been inhaling since he was so big. Jimin had wanted to retaliate and also cry but Jungkook had shown up just then and said it was time to go. The nurse had looked at Jungkook with a huge smile and told him that she would lead them out. She’d walked past Jimin whispering in his ear that Jungkook probably hated his figure too because he was too big before latching herself to Jungkook’s arm and dragging him away, and even though Jungkook looked irritated with her, he didn't pull away. Jimin followed behind them silently.