Possibility (Gilbert Blythe)

Chapter eight

I was never going to keep you.

Oh! How the words lingered over my head like a dark rain cloud! I could not muster to hear them nor to ever repeat them. How could one be so wicked as to lead any child to safety from the horrifying world around, only to spit out such poisonous words? I understood Miss Cuthberts' expectations and the mishap with my arrangement, that a boy would benefit them better, but that is absolutely no excuse to tell a child they were unwanted and not good enough to keep. We simply did not choose to be orphaned, it was not a choice brought upon us, but a burden we must bear.

The institution thought us to be well behaved creatures with no mind, imaginations nor voice. They thought us no one would want us if we misbehaved, that our struggles to keep perfected manners would lead us to a great home. "Keep it up!" "No one would ever want you if you do not shut up!"

The faith for many, the hope that exists in every orphaned child's prayers are a secure home where one is loved. One must keep the manners to retrieve this. Do you then understand reader the sore hearts and the break I felt when I heard such words be spoken to a child that do keep these manners? For Anne, when she tried so desperate to prove her worth, but was faced with what seemed like only a snarky comment from Miss Cuthbert, it broke a tiny bit of her soul apart. She must keep her hard work to survive. It was absolutely excruciating.

I had nothing left to say and left the breakfast table. Miss Cuthbert asked for a request, and I took it as an opportunity to get away for the afternoon. My feet carried me to the stables where I sobbed. It came as no surprise; I was utmost enraged and saddened. As I stumbled onto my feet again and brushed my trousers from hay, I saddled the horse with an unoccupied mind. The warmth of the fur and the silence on the farm made a perfect scene for silent mediation as I cleared my mind.

The request you wonder was an afternoon spent in Carmody to fetch a pair of shoes for Miss Cuthbert. I had never been to Carmody before, it certainly was no ordinary request and I wondered if they simply needed time for themselves to deal with the matter of Anne. This simple thought I left to myself and dared not ask of course as to not vex Miss Cuthbert further. Carmody was apparently not too far away, and as I had previously taken the horse to the cliffs and long trips, I did not fear this adventure to an extent.

As I finished the saddling and lead the horse out of stable, I caught the carriage with our other horse stroll down to the gate. Mr Cuthbert gave a wave and called my name. Without a second to spare I tied the reins to the pole and hurried over. It felt awful to see Anne sit next to Miss Cuthbert on the carriage. A small part of me had believed they would change their mind about Anne and simply keep her, but reality hit me when I saw her there. She did not however, bother to share a glimpse my way as I jogged over, perhaps saying goodbye was to much to muster.

"Aurora would you please pick up some cinnamon too when you arrive at Carmody?" Miss Cuthbert asked as I halted by the carriage.

"Yeah, 'course I can. Is there anything else that you need?

Both the Cuthberts gave a silent shake of heads and I made silent note to remember the cinnamon. As much as I would like to pride myself on my extraordinary memory to remember historic facts, I could often forget the minor details to remember, like what to pick up in a town. I also tend to get extremely distracted quickly to explore the new.

"I'll be back in time for tea. Anne?" Said Miss Cuthbert and called on Anne to say goodbye.

"Goodbye Mr. Cuthbert and Aurora" She did not move a muscle, her eyes were fixated on the horizon in front of her. Mr. Cuthbert cleared his throat and moved forward. 

"I, uh didn't say I'd hire a boy to be rid of you, it was in hopes that you would stay" He smiled, which made Anne look down at him with her softer facade.