Niall and I haven't talked in two weeks now. He called the night after we got were together, but we haven't talked since. I've been a little worried, but I haven't called him first. I don't want to be a bother, but I'm afraid I've done something wrong.
I saw him yesterday, but he didn't see me. I think it was for the best that he didn't, because I don't know what I'd have done if he tried to talk to me after what I saw.
He was with another girl. I didn't know her, but she was older than me, in college. She was really pretty, too. She was blonde, with pretty blue eyes. She was tall and skinny, and she had long legs and was wearing a black miniskirt with a pink tube top. They were behind a building, and they were making out. I ran off as soon as I realized it was him.
I don't know what I'm gonna do. I really care for Niall. I literally gave him everything I could give to a guy, and he was with another girl. I don't have the right to be that upset, because we weren't really together, but my heart still feels broken. I still feel like he broke my trust and betrayed me.
I'm glad that I've not spoken to Niall since then. I'm afraid of how I'll feel. I don't know how to feel anymore. I feel numb. I haven't spoken to Dani unless I've had to, and I think she's worried about me. Her friends have even tried to talk to me, but I don't talk back unless it's necessary. I feel like I'm walking through water, and I shouldn't. I shouldn't be so upset over a boy, especially a boy like Niall. It's weird.
I've been going to class and doing well, but it feels involuntary. I feel like I'm living on autopilot. I want to see Niall, but on the other hand, I really don't want to. I'm scared to see him, but I also want to see how he'll act around me. I just don't know if I should let him know that I know. I don't know what to do.
I'm sitting in my room, staring at the ceiling fan go around and around when I hear the knock. I get up and answer the door, my breath leaving me when I see Niall there. He smiles. "Hey babe." He says, and it disgusts me. How can he stand there and smile at me and call me babe when he was making out with another girl the day before? Before I even know what I'm doing, I slap him across the face. Stunned, his eyes meet mine.
"Do you find it funny to play with girls' hearts? Did you get a good laugh out of making me care for you and sleeping with me then kissing another girl? I saw you, Niall. Don't act like you don't know what I mean. You used me for sex, and I actually cared about you. I even fell in love with you. But I guess that's my fault, isn't it? I was stupid enough to fall for a guy like you. You're a bastard. I hate you." I say, stunning Niall and myself. "But.." He goes to say, but I shake my head.
"Go. Get out." I say, and he sighs. He looks at me, but walks off, head down. I wait a moment, watching him disappear, then I shut the door. I shuffle over to my bed and sink down slowly. I can't believe I'd just done that. I'm an idiot. I lost any chance of letting him explain, maybe of even being with him again. But, is that a good thing? Did I do the right thing? I'm so confused: My emotions are whipping around in my brain turbulently. I don't know what to do, but I know I want to cry. And so I do. I curl up in a ball on my bed, and I begin to cry silently, in long, soft sobs.
