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*Finally something kinda positive lmao*
smile for me even if it hurts. i know it's hard and i may be asking to much but love, you mean everything to me. you may seem in pain now but it won't last forever unlike my undying love for you. i know i sound over dramatic but when i say "undying love" i mean, when i die my heart will still long for you. your scent, oh so sweet, your smile oh so heartwarming. everything about you makes me smile. even though you rarely smile every time you do my heart does a backflip. you may say "how can a small movement make you happy?". it makes me happy to see you happy. although, it hurts to know you will probably never love me back.
as long as you're happy i'm happy i keep telling myself so i can believe it. pathetic. in all honesty i hate being in this one sided love. but, as long as you're happy, i'm happy. seeing someone else makes you happy but, as long as you're happy, i'm happy. you're freckles, it looks like they were painted on by a god, you're hair, it's so soft you'd think i was petting a kitten's fur. don't get me started on kittens. oh kittens those lil balls of fur that you love so much. you once said you wanted to get 10 and i wanted to buy you all of them.
i always thought of us taking a lil stroll at a park, holding hands, eating ice cream talking about our future and our day. putting a smile on your face is always my goal. i want to make you laugh. oh you're laugh, the sweetest tune ever. listening to you laugh makes me happy. oh love, i know what you went through was hard and i promise to be there with you every step of the way. even if you don't love me i will still support you in every way possible. messaging you makes me ecstatic you don't even know. our lil cheesy convos are so stupid but it makes my day.
oh you don't know how much you make my day. you gave me the cutest nickname one day and it stuck. that was one of my favorite days with you. but you know every good thing has to end. you started to stop talking to me. it stung but i kept smiling because if you're happy, i'm happy. we stopped hanging out. knowing you were happy was the only thing keeping me going until i realized i wasn't happy nor were you. that's why you pushed me away. i wanted to know why you did it. i'm sorry that i wasn't there for you. i feel terrible. i'm sorry i'm not a good friend.
i hate that i'm such a horrible person. sorry that i caused you pain. why did you have to do it.?you're not happy. you never were. why couldn't i see that? this is all my fault. i hate myself. i hate my guts. i'm such an asshole. i loved you. i should've told you instead of assuming you didn't like me. why am i such trash? here i am crying. crying because i could've prevented this. i'm reading the note you left me. you, you loved me too.
i'm sitting here at your grave crying. fuck. why did you kill yourself? i was holding your hand in your last moments when you said your last words "i love you". the words that i wanted to hear but somehow was bittersweet to hear from your lips.
