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Anhedonia: "the lost of interest and enjoyment in all activities that you once liked;
the feeling of not caring."
i love feeling of feeling useless and empty, the once happy feeling that had seems unknown to me. the last drop of my being feeling drained out of me slowly. oh yes; depression the leech that is stuck to my head. the thing i'm most scared of. the bigger it gets the more drained and lifeless i am. the longer it's there i grow used to the numbing pain i have in my chest. being numb is something you do without knowing, slowly you start to look emotionless. the more you sink into the darkness the more you seem to fade away into reality. more than ever you want to die; death seeming like the best option to your life problems. but instead of ending it all you suffer. you suffer because people will call you "selfish" and "inconsiderate". but is it really selfish to want to stop suffering or to not do that and make everyone happy? doesn't that make yo guys the selfish ones?
you avoid everyone and push everyone away until you're really alone. but you stay in your room and everyone thinks you're dead or something happened to you but they never cared enough to come see you. food starts to look unappetizing and stop eating food and drinking water. it hurts to look at what you've done to yourself; your eyes that look like they sunk in you skull, you skin that looks terribly pale, your ribs that are poking out and your hair that keeps falling out. do you want to stay inside and kill yourself slowly or do it all at once? you smile while you tie the noose getting ready to kill yourself and end it all. you find your last moments happy as you're about to finally be happy. you stand tall on the wooden chair as you take your last breath you wish everyone happiness that has made you smile.
your last words before you stepped off the chair was "i love you all"
