Fix Me

Chapter 11

We both sat down on the ground. He didn't look at me as he spoke. In fact, he looked at everything and everywhere but me. It was as if he was getting ready to reveal some crazy big secret, Which he kind of was, but, he did know I would understand. Right?

"If you're not ready to tell me about your family it's ok. It's no big deal. I can wait." I told him. I don't want him to feel as though he's being put on the spot here.

"No, no it's not that it's just-." he paused mid-sentence. "No one's really asked before. Let's see, I was around 8 when she died and that's all anyone really knows. It's like she will always be associated with death. Like she is death."

Cameron seemed to be al a loss for words. Slowly I moved my hand so that it was over his. He looked up as me and I gave him a small smile to let him know I was there.

I could tell he appreciated it because he smiled back and then continued.

"She was actually a lot like you"

"Like me?" I wondered. The way he reacted when he first told me about her would say otherwise. She seemed loving, sweet, caring, and good. No way she was anything like me.

It was as though Cameron sensed my doubt because he squeezed my hand reassuringly and when I looked up at him he just smiled and said:

"Yes like you. She was funny and sweet....and brave"

Ok now I know he's lying.

"I'm not brave. If anything I'm weak and pathetic and... I'm not brave." I finally said.

He pulled my arms up so that they were in my face. All I saw were scars and bruises.

"You're here. you're alive. You survived." He said it as if I was some sort of hero.

I suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

"When did we start talking about me? I thought you were going to tell me all about your lovely mother."

And so he did.

In my mind I could paint a picture of her. Lively, beautiful, full of joy and love.

He told me all about his embarrassing stories. They were what you'd imagine any 8 year old to be embarrassed about. His mom teasing him about a girl, birthday cake getting splattered all over his face, and of course, the time someone told him about sex and he went to ask her about it.

Then he got really quiet. He eyes started to water but he wouldn't let anything fall out.

He started telling me about those special moments. The ones you never let go of. The ones you always cherish.

Staying up all night to watch movies, going to the park, playing laser tag, and staying in bed all day while he was sick.

When he finished he looked up at me and I could see tears falling down his face. I went in for a hug and he held on tight. Like he was holding on to a lifeline. He felt so fragile. I could feel him shaking from the tears.

"I miss her" he said in between cries.

I didn't really know what to do. I've never been in this position before. So I did the only thing I could think of. I held him and let him know I was there.

***

We decided to take a walk. Things were left pretty heavy and you could feel it like a thick fog. Gloomy, blurry, like you don't know which turn to say. On one hand you could make your way around just fine but on the other you could just smack your head into a tree. I didn't want that to happen.

"Look. I don't want you to feel weird around me." I decided being around the bush wasn't working.

"I'm not" he said in monotone.

I don't know what's bothering him. But he's not getting off that easy.

"Ok, you can I both know that's total bullshit. I know you feel weird after talking to me about your mom. I get it you miss her but come on, don't shut me out. I understand what it's like losing someone you really care about. I really do. So please don't act like I have no idea what you're feeling because I do." 

He stopped walking and sighed deeply.

"I know. I'm sorry. It's just-I-I've never really had someone who got it you know? Someone who understood much less cared. I'm sorry"

"It's fine. I guess we'll just leave right? The sun's going to set soon."

He gave me a look that told me he was keeping something. Something that was either going to be insanely amazing or it'll end with the two of us just getting awkward. Well, even more awkward.

Cameron took my hand in his and started leading me up the boardwalk. We stopped in front of a little restaurant. Walking in I saw it was huge. It had chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and people were all dressed up. Suddenly I was very self conscious considering I was only wearing a cover-up and Cameron was wearing a muscle tank with board shorts. We didn't look like we belonged there. I was starting to walk over to a waiter to ask about a table when Cameron lead me away and into the kitchen. 

"What are we doing here I'm pretty sure we'll get kicked out if anyone finds us here."

"Do you always worry this much?" he asked with a playful glint in his eyes.

"Hey Cameron. I didn't know you were coming around tonight" someone yelled from the back.

"Oh and you have a girl with you" the man continued.

I'm surprised I didn't explode from how much I was blushing right now.

"Marco this is Jade. Jade this is Marco. He's the head chef around here."

"Hi it's nice to meet you" I said awkwardly trying to hide the bluish in my face with my hair. This is so embarrassing.

Next thing I know aprons were being thrown at us and I was being lead further back into the kitchen into a room with a bunch of supplies and a stove and fridge. I turned towards Cameron to ask what was going on but before I could get anything out he just handed me a bag of potatoes.

I guess I'm playing chef for a day.