Compulsive

Chapter 18

"You and Lucy, that's quite a development, isn't it?"

Natsu's eyes flashed up from his hands, looking up at the woman in front of him. Juvia was behind her desk, elbows propping herself up; she was giving him a funny look, like she was just about to smile but had changed her mind at the last second. Natsu sighed, tearing his attention completely away from the multi-colored cube in his hands, knowing by Juvia's tone of voice that she wanted answers now.

Natsu set the rubix cube down on his lap. Normally, he'd play with it during individual therapy sessions—it had been Juvia's idea; it helped keep him busy, keep him calm. She said when he was uncomfortable, when they talked about the bad stuff, his ADHD tendencies magnified; this little cube helped him divide his attention, keep him still and calm.

Some days, Natsu could just sense Juvia wanted the little toy gone, that it was time for business. This was one of those days.

"Uh, yeah," Natsu mumbled, giving a nod. "She's a good friend."

Juvia nodded right back. "She's the first friend you've made."

He knew she was right, but didn't want to admit it out loud. "Gray's my friend."

"You and Gray like to fight," She commented, "And be mean to each other. That's okay, but...I mean real friendship. Deep, heartfelt friendship. Like your relationship with Lucy."

Natsu blushed; he ducked his head, trying to hide it. "So?"

"So, I'm just saying, this is good news, Natsu. I haven't seen you open up enough to really bond with someone." Juvia paused. "Have you told her about yourself?"

Natsu looked back up to his counsellor, a little afraid of what her reaction might be. After all, Natsu had known this woman for five years—he knew what her reaction would be to things.

"Uh, yeah," He murmured, cringing immediately. "I did."

Juvia's eyes were wide. "You told her? All of it?"

"All of it. Skimmed the details for her sake, but, y'know...."

Juvia's eyes dropped down to her desk, and her lips spread into a somewhat sad smile. "Oh, Natsu...." She trailed off for a second, and then looked up at him. "I'm so proud of you."

The pink haired boy made a face. "Proud of me? For what?"

"Don't underestimate how important this is, okay? This was hard for you. I know it was. We've discussed this before. You always felt that if you got close to someone, you'd just lose them again—but you opened your heart and overcame your fears. This is a big deal for you, don't be afraid to celebrate it."

Natsu's heart was pounding a little heavier than usual. He wasn't really a fan of hearing his own issues being read back to him. But she was right. He had gotten over his fears, slightly. And it was a big deal, considering how much of a freak he'd been about it before.

At first, he'd refused to talk to people. He was sure the second he started to like them, want to become their friend, they'd die. Slowly, over time, he chilled out. He'd respond to people, talk to them at breakfast, but not enough to become pals. Then, as people came and went, the lonelier he became; his resolve and diminished ever so slightly, every time a new group was formed and graduated without him.

By the time this group came around—Mira, Laxus, Gajeel, Gray and all the others—he'd gotten to the point where he would become relatively friendly with people, but not super close. He'd bicker with Gray, he'd make fun of Gajeel, he'd laugh with Erza, but he never let them get in his heart. Which was fine. They didn't exactly want to be in his heart; these people all had their own problems to deal with.