Trapped

Chapter Eight

December 15, 2059

I pull up in the parking lot of Doctor Eckhardt's practice exactly one week after our last session. After finding a spot, I turn off the engine of my car and take a deep breath. I'm hopeful about this session, I have thought about what keeps me down and I'm hoping to discuss them with Doctor Eckhardt today. I should put my trust in his expertise, something I was having a hard time with last week. I wanted to talk more about Anne, but I've come to the realization I'm most likely not the first patient with these problems. I should trust his way of therapy and make sure I'm making progress. There is only one thing I'm not complying to. I reach with my left hand in the backpack on the seat next to me and take out the box of pills I received last week. I'm hesitant to inform Doctor Eckhardt I haven't been taking the prescription, it didn't feel right even though he was very confident about them. I feel there are more steps to be taken before I resort to medication, an experienced psychiatrist like himself should be able to take that into consideration. I hope we can come to an agreement and leave the pills out of the question for the time being. I look at my watch and see that I'm a bit early, but there is no point in staying in the car. I put the pills in my pocket and zip up my jacket all the way to the top because it's freezing outside. I get out of the car and walk towards the entrance. Once I get in I go through the small hallway while simultaneously taking off my coat. The coat rack on the left is completely empty, I find the first peg and leave my coat there. When I turn around I notice the chairs in the waiting room are not the same as before. Although these chairs also look familiar, I can't remember where I have seen them. I take a seat and scout the room for other changes, maybe Doctor Eckhardt decided to change more while he was at it. I don't manage to find any differences, the walls are still as bland as they were before. The owl on the reception counter is also still there, but it has been moved a bit. It's currently on the edge, looking towards the exit of the building. I leave the unused medication in my coat pocket. I can always get them later if Doctor Eckhardt requires them back for some reason. I check the time again, I'm ten minutes early. Hopefully Doctor Eckhardt can start a bit earlier, otherwise I'll just have to wait.

Every minute that I have to wait feels like two, I keep staring at the door through which Doctor Eckhardt will come. I'm slightly startled when the door handle finally clicks and the door opens. Doctor Eckhardt invites me in while remaining in the door opening. We greet with just a friendly nod and I sit down on the same chair as last week. 'You changed the chairs in the waiting room, did you get tired of the old ones? I ask him. He looks unamused by the question, maybe he got the same question from every patient and is tired of hearing about it. 'It just seemed right to change them' He answers. I feel he doesn't think it's important so I decide to jump right into more important matters. 'I would like to talk to you about a few things that I realized in the last couple of days.' Before I have the time to continue, Doctor Eckhardt interrupts me. 'Yes that's perfect David but I got to ask if you took the pills I prescribed you last week. It's important for our sessions'. He looks at me with a slight frown, I wonder if he already suspects that I didn't take them. I'm tempted to lie, but I doubt that will work. I just don't understand why it is so important, I thought finding out why I can't break this downwards spiral would be the most important thing. I look at Doctor Eckhardt and decide to tell him, I promised myself I would trust his practices. 'No I didn't, I just didn't feel comfortable resorting to medication right away'. Doctor Eckhardt shakes his head slightly, it's obvious he doesn't like my answer. He takes a second before he responds, he seems very frustrated. 'Well David, I already knew the answer to that question but it still frustrates me. I don't think I can help you if you don't trust my expertise'. He shuts the notebook that is on his lap and looks ready to stand up and leave. I'm shocked by his reaction, but I can understand some of it. Maybe I don't always know what is best, maybe I should give in for once and make sure someone can actually help me. I want to continue this, I want to get better, it's the least I can do for Anne. She always got very frustrated that I wouldn't get help. Now when I finally decide to get help, I'm still not fully committed to it. Doctor Eckhardt stood up and his body language tells me he expects something from me. It's now or never. 'I'm very sorry doctor, can we still continue the therapy if I do as you say this time? I'll follow your instructions, I promise.' Doctor Eckhardt looks at with me with a slight smile. 'Alright David, I will give you a second chance.' I'm relieved that he agreed to give me another chance, but he hasn't sat back down yet. He continues: 'However, we won't be able to have this session today. I prepared things in which it was important that you took the medication, they won't work now. I think we need to set this back another week'. I'm devastated by this news, but I owe it to myself. If I was that keen on talking to Doctor Eckhardt and working towards a solution, I should've listened to him. I'm such an idiot.

I tell Doctor Eckhardt that I'm sorry and get up from my chair. He opens the door for me and tells me to come back next week at the same time. I nod and walk off. I'm frustrated, why am I like this, why can't I just accept the fact that Doctor Eckhardt knows best. I take my coat and don't even bother putting it on. I speed to my car and slam the door shut when getting in. I need to be better than this, he is here to help me and I need to trust him in that.