sad thoughts

random thoughts;;

i have very few friends, but many acquaintances.
these are the people you wave to in the hall, are able to have a conversation with in the middle of class, people who you generally can stand.
i used to consider many people as my friends; the thing is, they wouldn't.
they're just people that ask me for homework answers, a ride home, relationship advice (quite ironic), or hang out with me when they have no other friends avaliable.
and i know because that's all that they ever say. i don't blame them.

my name's dora, that antisocial freak who can never make eye contact with anyone with her tiny ass eyes, and prefers to stand alone on the field rather than hang out with anyone she doesn't know. a nerd, works in the goddamn library for crying out loud, have you seen how fucking thick her glasses are? jesus christ, and have you seen how disgusting she looks, especially with her ipad?

some of my friends have sarcastically mentioned the above, to my face. im sure they didnt mean it as an insult, but i'm insecure so i take it so personally and cover my emotions up with more sarcasm!! and besides, i'm not going to deny it, i'm not attractive, social or confident.

ten minutes ago, i texted my group chat, that's with the people i eat lunch with.
thirty minutes after i know they've all seen my text, someone responds - then 4 other people respond at once. and i know they're all online because they're sending me snapchat streaks and replying in other group chats i'm in??

or maybe i am paranoid. so fucking insecure that the tiniest thing that doesn't go my way makes me mad.
and i swear im not conceited, although everything i've written above contradicts that - this is more of an angry vent, so I apologize if I come off as.. harsh.
it's really hard not to get angry when everyone you care about just doesn't care.

yeah, that's it for now.