Fall

Samantha

I promised Greyson to see a movie with him. It's not a date, though. We were talking about an hour ago, and I said goodbye. I reasoned out to him that I wanted to sleep.. But I don't really want to, yet.

He told me he wanted to talk with my mom.. Which really got me. I didn't know how. Even in the simplest or the most complicated how. How to do it without him getting a hint and finding out. I'm not yet ready. Inside I'm really scared. I'm stuck at wanting for him to find out and scared of the consequences. I'm confused. And it haunts me. I really want to tell him. But I'm not ready. Not yet. And I'm afraid I never will be.

Maybe I should tell it to him on the day we hang. After we see a movie, at his place.

Yes. Maybe I should. I should. I should let him know. He has to know.

I've made up my mind. I will.

FAST FORWARD

Jacob is about to pick me up in a few minutes. We're heading to a restaurant and he told me he wanted to tell me something. I prepared so much for this. We lost contact for a week now. I don't even know what's wrong and can't also seem to know what's left of us that's actually right. I don't even know if I still love him. Or if I've fallen in love with Greyson. It's scary. And confusing.

"Sam?" My door creaks open. "Hey," he smiles.

"Hey Jacob," I stand up from my seat and he hugs me tightly.

"Someone's clearly missed me," I laugh. He chuckles. "Yeah. So, let's.. uhm, let's go?" He grabs my hand. "Sure," I answer shortly.

"Uhm, I... I discovered this new resto down the road.. And.. I wanted to take you there.."

"Yeah," I say. "And you told me you came to tell me something? What is it?"

"Oh, uhm, uhh, yes, I.." He looks at me. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Jacob I've said that," I look at him straight in the eyes. "Now what is it?"

He went silent for seconds. "... I'll tell you later," he suddenly says, and holds hands with me.

After minutes of walking we got to a restaurant. It's not pretty far, since the walking time is just around fifteen minutes. We stepped in, Jacob orders, gets us a table for two, and the waiter sets the plates.

We were eating and Jacob looks at me from time to time, somewhat nervously or uncomfortably-looking. "What's wrong?"

"N..nothing. Would you like some dessert?" He asks.

"Anything," I smile. He gets me a cheesecake.

While I was sipping on a glass of water, I looked at Jacob in the eyes; he looks at mine. "So? Speak up."

"I don't know where to start."

"Just say what you want to," I smile at him, hoping he'll feel better and encouraged.

"It's so hard to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

"Sam.. I..."

"What?"

"I... I don't.. I don't love you anymore."

I almost dropped the glass. My eyes begin to water. "Wh.. what do you mean you don't love me anymore?"

"I don't know.. I... I just lost.. lost everything I feel for you. I'm sorry."

"Jacob, I, I don't believe this," I laugh a bit, still tears forming in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry.." He looks down to the napkin.

"Tell me I'm dreaming," I still laugh a little, but it hurts. "Come on. Wake me up.. Please, Jacob.. Wake me up."

"Samantha.." He tries to reach out for my hand. I refuse.

"Jacob... I loved you. You know that? I loved you!"

"I... I loved you too.."

"You loved me too? Really? When? I don't remember."

"I loved you Samantha and you know that."

"Why am I so hurt? I shouldn't be hurt as hell. You should. You deserve all the pain you're giving me!"

"Don't put this on me.."

"Don't put this on you? After everything you've done, you've caused, you've been, you tell me not to put this on you?"

"... It's over now, Sam.."

"Gladly!" I stand up from my seat, making a loud noise as I put back the chair. I rush out of the restaurant as I wipe the tears that fall off.

I thought he loved me. He said he did.

No, no, you don't need him. You don't love him anymore. I try to put all these thoughts out of my mind, but I can't. I run and run and run, far far far away from where he is. Rush home, still wiping tears and try to calm myself from crying. I run, run, run...

"What happened?!" Arms are wrapped around me and he softly whispers, "What happened.."

I bumped into him while I was running, he tried to stop my force by hugging me tight and not letting go. I was weak. His comfort makes me weak.

I still can't stop from crying. He rests my head on his chest with his hand. "Shh, stop crying.." He wipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb. "It's okay.. I'll get you home.."

I nod. He lets go of me for a little while. "Wait.." He removes his jacket and wraps it around me, and squeezes me with a side hug and lets my head rest on his shoulder.

"What happened hmm?" He asks again. I can't answer. "It's.. it's okay if you don't tell me now. But I have to know soon okay?" I nod. Last cries are still making sounds, and he tries to hush me. "Shh," he says. "If you don't stop crying you're gonna get ugly," he chuckles. I laugh a bit.

A bit later, we both get to my door.

"Thank you.." I smile at him.

"It's oka--"

"No, seriously. Thank you. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome," he smiles. "I'm always here.. for you." He moves a little closer. He opens his arms. "Come on over here," he says, inviting me in for a tight hug. I give in. He hugs me tightly, and kisses my forehead. It's exactly what I need right now. I smile. "I'll text you later, okay?"

"Okay," I answer, as we both let go.

"Bye Sam.." He waves at me as he goes back to their house.

"Bye Greyson.."