Social Norms (Synacky)

Chapter Forty-Three

Zacky’s POV

Stargazing. It was something that Zacky had always wanted to do. And who better to do it with than Brian?

He had explained to his mom that he would be spending the night with a friend from school. She was a little upset with him, but more than that she was tired of his father being so angry, and Zacky being out of the house would calm his dad down.

He wasn’t sure what excuse Brian had made to be able to be out all night, but in the end it didn’t matter. They were going to camp out on the beach. It wasn’t exactly legal, but it would be fun, they’d build a fire and have s’mores and sleep on the beach in a mess of blankets. And sand. Sand would be everywhere. But that was the price to pay, and they would still have fun.

They arrived in Oceanside just in time to watch the sunset, which instantly filled Zacky with excitement. He dragged Brian out of the car and through the barren parking lot. “C’mon, c’mon, we don’t wanna miss it!”

Brian’s hand brushed against the mottled scabs on his arm as Zacky went to grab it, and Zacky felt his heart sink. Oh yeah.

But Brian didn’t seem to notice, he chuckled and followed behind Zacky. “What about our stuff?” he asked.

“We’ll uh, we’ll get it after the sunset.” Zacky replied, kicking off his shoes once his feet hit the sand.

He plopped down in the sand, and Brian sat next to him, as they watched Mother Nature paint a masterpiece in the sky. It was so beautiful. Zacky never understood what caused the variation of the colors, why the sun painted the sky brilliant shades of red and orange and purple. It was magic. Pure magic. Especially when they reflected so vividly across the ocean, and when the warm body of someone he loved was pressed close against his side, taking his hand, tracing over his scars-

Zacky looked at Brian suddenly to see him frowning slightly as his fingers ran over the most recent cuts. “Why did you do this?” Brian whispered, hurt and betrayal in his voice.

He looked out over the ocean, remembering those nights. He just felt so helpless, so miserable. He hadn’t cut in years, that wasn’t his style anymore, but he had been tormented with nightmares, even when he was awake, of Samuel and all the pain inflicted on him. It was his fault, it had all been his fault. And he had fucked up with Brian and there was no one to blame for it but himself. So he required punishment.

But Zacky didn’t tell this to Brian. He couldn’t, Brian worried about him too much already. Besides, he was ashamed about the cuts, they were ugly, they made him ugly. “I don’t want to talk about it.” He replied, digging his fingers in the sand absently. He watched as the sun slowly began to disappear behind the horizon.

He jerked in surprise as he felt a pair of lips grace his skin, and looked over at Brian to see him kissing over the cuts, cradling his arm tenderly. “I still think you’re beautiful, Zee.” He murmured against his skin, “I don’t like this, I don’t want you to ever do it again, but you’re still just as beautiful to me.”

Zacky felt blush creeping across his cheeks. His initial reaction was to pull his arm away, but Brian was so gentle, so soft, and Zacky was touched.

“Brian…” he whined, only half-complaining. No one had ever done anything like this to him, and it was making his mind a muddled mess.

“Zacky, haven’t I told you how beautiful you are to me? Why do you have to go and damage yourself this way?” Brian looked at Zacky with concern in his eyes, and Zacky looked away, choosing not to answer.

“Let me see your other arm.” Brian coaxed, and slowly Zacky extended his other wrist. Brian examined his arm in the bleeding evening light, and whispered. “Oh. I never noticed these.”

“I’m going to cover them up. I’m going to get tattoos.” Zacky’s breath caught in his throat as Brian’s lips trailed along his flesh from his wrist to the bend by his elbow. He felt his chin start to tremble, and he took a deep, shaky breath. “What are you doing?” he whispered.

“I’m proving to you that I love you, scars and all.” Brian murmured. “You’re a special, magnificent person, Zacky. You mean so much to me.”

Oh, god. Zacky didn’t deserve Brian. Zacky didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve those words. He resorted to blushing, burying his face in Brian’s chest, and only a tear or two escaped to wet Brian’s shirt.

Brian snaked his arms around his waist, and whispered, “We gotta get our stuff from the car.”

Twenty minutes later, curled up in blankets by a fire Brian had built, marshmallows poked on sticks waving over the flames. Brian pointed up into the sky. “Look, there’s the first star of the night.”

“Sirius.” Zacky breathed, eyes easily finding the bright star. “When it gets a little darker, I’ll show you the constellation.”

He could remember learning many of the constellations. When he was young, his father would take him and Zina outside and he’d show them the stars and Zacky hung on every word. Those nights stuck out sharp and warm in his mind.

They watched the stars late into the night. Brian showed Zacky Orion and the Big Dipper, and Zacky told Brian the stories. Stories of Capricorn and Lynx and the Hydra and Sculptor, pointing our hunters and monsters and heroes. Brian listened actively, asking him questions and trying to find the damsel that Zacky pointed to in the sky.

They saw the space station, something new and exciting to both of them, after they decided that the slow, ambling star wasn’t a comet or meteor. Zacky remembered when NASA shot it off last year. No one at Huntington Beach High School seemed to care.

Zacky was explaining to him the story of Virgo, when a flash of light, small and precise, streaked across the sky.

“Did you see that?” he asked, “There was a shooting star!”

He looked over at Brian, and Brian nodded, “Yeah, I saw it. I’ve never seen a shooting star before.”

“Make a wish.” Zacky said, “Close your eyes and make a wish.”

He closed his eyes tight. But what to wish for? There was so much Zacky wanted, so much he’d like to have, but at the same time, he didn’t want anything. He was content right where he was. Right now was a perfect moment.

Please let this last, he thought, wishing with all his heart that it actually meant something.

The Brian took his hand and he whispered, “What’d you wish for?”

Zacky just smiled and shook his head. He'd never share this wish. He desperately wanted it to come true.