Social Norms (Synacky)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

He found himself at Matt’s house, knocking on the door before waiting patiently. He heard Amy shout, “I got it!” before the door opened to reveal Matt’s sister.

“Hey.” She said, “You’re Matt’s friend, right? Brandon or something…”

“I’m Brian.” He smiled tightly, trying to be polite. “I was wondering if Matt was around…”

“Yeah, he’s here. Come on in.” Amy stepped back and opened the door wider so Brian could step inside.

She led him through the complex design of an unfamiliar home, opening a door at the end of a hallway. “Hey, Matt. You’ve got a friend over.”

Matt was poring over a few papers, crossing out words and adding others. He was working on another song. “Hey, Dan.”

“Um, actually, it’s me.”

“Brian?” Matt looked up from his lyrics, frowning at him quizzically. “I didn’t know you were coming over…”

“I didn’t call.” Brian shifted nervously on his feet, gaze shifting from Amy back to Matt. “Can we um, can we have a talk?”

“Yeah, sure. Wait a minute and I’ll grab my shoes.”

~*~

They discarded their shoes at the seawall and leapt down onto the beach. It was summer in Surf City, the beach would never be bare, but there weren’t too many people lounging as the sun dipped below the horizon. Brian paused, watching the sunset, wondering why Zacky had such a fascination with it.

“Smoke?” Matt asked, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and holding it out to Brian.

“Yeah, thanks.” Brian replied, pulling one out and holding it out over the flame of Matt’s lighter.

“So I’m guessing we’re out here because of something to do with Zacky…” Matt pressed, “Otherwise you’d be talking to Jimmy, right?”

“Not necessarily…” Brian tried to lighten the weight of Matt’s words, but they both knew it was true. “But yes, this is about Zacky.”

“You guys fighting already?”

“No, I told my dad about it. About us.”

“How’d he take it?” Matt spoke around the cigarette poking out of the corner of his mouth.

“Badly. He got mad and stormed off and now I don’t know what to do. I thought he’d take it better than that.” Brian dug his foot through the sand, kicking up a small spray before them. “If I don’t break up with Zacky he said he’d kick me out.”

“He wouldn’t really do that, Brian. I know your dad, and you do too. Maybe you need to give him time to cool off. It’s a big bomb to drop, something like that…”

“Yeah, I know.” Brian sighed, “Maybe you’re right. I’ll just leave him alone about it and he’ll come around eventually.” He took a drag from his cigarette. “At least I hope he will.”

“He will.” Matt assured, “Don’t stress too much over it.”

They continued to walk down the beach, and Brian’s mind wandered to Zacky. He remembered the way Zacky had looked at him. He had been crying when he said he loved Brian. What did that mean?

“Hey, Matt?”

“Yeah?” Matt replied, dropping his cigarette on the ground and stepping on it.

“How did you find out that you were in love with Val?”

Matt rolled his eyes, “For fuck’s sake, Brian…” he looked over at Brian, before rubbing his hand over his face. “This is nasty girly shit. I don’t wanna get into this. Besides, love is some abstract fucking crazy shit that I don’t even know how to explain. It just fucking happens.”

“Matt…” Brian pleaded, “Just this once okay? Zacky told me he loves me and I just… I don’t know how to reply.”

“If you love him back, say you love him back. If you don’t, then say you don’t. I don’t see your problem.”

“I don’t know if I love him or not.” Brian looked down at the sand, feeling helpless. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”

Matt sighed, “Look, I guess how I found out I loved Val… I guess I just realized that I was stuck with her. In a good way, you know? One day I just woke up and realized I would never want anyone else. She’s perfect, and I know we’ll end up getting married one day, and that’s just it. I’d do anything for her, we’ve been together forever and I just… I don’t know, man, I just knew.”

Brian frowned. He didn’t “just know” anything. His mind was a jumbled mess of emotions that he couldn’t even begin to sort out. “Is that how it is with Zacky? I don’t understand how he can know something like that so soon.”

“Ask him about it.” Matt replied, “What’s the worst that could happen?”

“He could freak out because I don’t know if I feel the same way and leave me.” Brian answered, “And after all the shit that’s been going on I’d hate to have it all lead up to that.”

“If he loves you, I don’t think he’ll leave you over something like that.” Matt stooped down to pick up a seashell. “I think if he loves you, you’ll have to do a lot to get rid of him.”

“But what if he’s just as clueless about love as I am?” Brian asked, “What if he doesn’t know what he’s doing?”

“Oh, Zacky knows.” Matt chucked his shell out into the ocean, watching it make a little splash among the waves. “There’s something about that kid. I think we all underestimate him a lot.”

Brian could understand that. There was something about Zacky that it seemed everyone noticed, but no one could place. “Yeah.” He agreed, “I know I sure underestimated him at first.”

They turned around and began walking back to where they had left their things, Brian still brooding over Matt’s words. He thought about Zacky. Did he feel like he was just stuck with him, that he’d never want anyone else? Sometimes. But it was hard to think of things like that when he was so wrapped up in a relationship. Of course he felt that way now, they just had sex for the first time just yesterday. But how would he feel about it next month, or next year?

Maybe it was possible to be in love, but at a different stage than Matt and Val. Or maybe different people fell in love in different ways.

Brian didn’t know. The longer this relationship lasted, the more clueless Brian realized that he was.

“Thanks for letting me talk to you, Matt.”  Brian spoke up as they reached the seawall where their shoes lay.

“No problem.” Matt replied, “Hey, how’s that solo coming along for To End the Rapture?”

“Shit, I forgot all about it.” Brian admitted, “I haven’t worked on it at all. I’ll play around with it tomorrow at practice. It shouldn’t be too hard.”

“Good. Well I’m gonna head home then. See you tomorrow, Brian.”

They parted ways, and Brian was left alone, dreading going home. He didn’t want to face his mom after the outburst at dinner, and he could only hope that his dad wasn’t there.

In the end, he just crashed at Jimmy’s, who didn’t mind at all. He’d sneak back to his house the next morning for his guitar for practice, and hopefully his dad would be at the studio.

As soon as he lay down on Jimmy’s floor with a blanket, Brian realized how utterly exhausted he was. It had been a long day. In no time, he was fast asleep.