Social Norms (Synacky)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Author's Note: I don't know how I feel about this chapter. If I can do anything to better it, please let me know. And if you like it the way it is, please, please drop a comment. Thank you.

-foREVerADeathbat

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The next day, Brian went home early, so he could laze around on the couch and nurse his hangover and wallow about in his guilt, all while avoiding helping Jimmy clean up the party mess. Besides, it was his birthday party, and what were best friends for, anyway? He remembered most of what happened last night, and every time he thought about it, he felt his gut twist a little. He was playing by Zacky’s rules, that’s what he agreed to do at the beginning; why’d he have to piss it all away like that?

When the phone rang that afternoon, Brian shouted, “I got it!” before picking it up.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Brian.” Zacky’s voice said on the other line, “Are we still on for coffee? I told you last night, I’m not sure if you remember…”

“Yeah, I remember. When do you want to go?”

“Well, I can go over there now once I get off the phone…”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive? I could pick you up or we could meet there or something-“

“No, your house is on my way, I don’t mind stopping by.”

“Okay. I’ll see you, then.”

“Alright, I’ll be by in twenty minutes.”

~*~

“Do you smoke?”

Brian was surprised hearing that from Zacky. He didn’t seem like the cancer stick kind of guy. But he nodded, accepting the Marlboro from him and holding it out to receive a light.

Coffee and cigarettes. This was how they were avoiding what had happened the previous night. Eventually, Brian sighed, swirling his coffee around it his cup. It was hot out, eighty-something, but he was partial to the caramel macchiato and he only liked that hot, so he was waiting for it to cool. “Zacky, about last night, I’m so sorry I-“

“Hey, it’s fine. You were plastered.” Zacky took a puff from his cigarette, exhaling tendrils that dissipated in the air.

“But still, that gave me no right to do that.”

“It’s fine, Brian.” Zacky smiled to reassure him. “Nothing’s changed, you didn’t do anything, and we can forget about it.”

But Brian couldn’t forget about it. He couldn’t forget the look on Zacky’s face, the way he had trembled. “I did scare you last night, didn’t I?”

“Just a little.” Zacky replied. They faded into silence, both knowing he had been more scared than “a little.”

“Who was he?” Brian ventured. “Who did that to you?”

Zacky frowned, “I don’t know what you-“

“Oh, don’t give me that, Zacky, someone’s hurt you and he’s hurt you bad. Tell me what happened.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Zacky replied, and Brian sighed.

“Zacky, please. I want to know what happened to you. Why you’re so self-conscious and hesitant all the time. Please, baby, talk to me.” Brian kissed Zacky’s cheek gently, and Zacky looked at him.

“I just had a tough experience with a boyfriend, okay?”

Brian frowned, “What do you mean, ‘tough experience?’”

“He was…” Zacky sighed. “He was a douche.”

“Tell me about him.” Brian blew on his coffee to keep it from burning his lips before he took a tentative sip.

“Well, we started dating when I was in eighth grade, back in Washington. I was thirteen, he was seventeen. At first he was perfect, he’d get little gifts for me and we’d go on cute dates and stuff. But slowly things started to change. He’d want more and more from me that I didn’t really want to give him. We took things… really fast in my opinion, especially since I was really just a kid. He was really jealous, and he didn’t like me hanging out with any of my guy friends. He liked to… talk down to me, tell me how horrible I was, how I was useless and ugly and a pussy, and when you tell someone something long enough, the eventually start to believe it. I am ugly and worthless and pathetic. I know that now.”

“No, Zacky.” Brian cupped his face in his hands, kissing him gently. “You are absolutely beautiful.”

“Wait, let me finish.” Zacky pulled away, picking up his coffee cup. “He um, he would sometimes hit me when I did something wrong or said something that upset him or when he was having a hard day or something. And he… he took my virginity too. He liked sex a lot, and he would come over and… that’s what we’d do. It was always so painful, and he told me that that’s just how it worked, since we were both guys. It was supposed to leave bruises and bring tears to my eyes. I didn’t know it was supposed to be any different. He made me be quiet, so no one would hear us. I think he also liked that god complex of being able to control me. My parents liked him a lot, I mean, as much as they could, with him being a guy. He got on well with my mom. I was… never allowed to tell them. Not like I ever would.”

He sighed, sipping at his latte. “It was like that until we moved. Then I just never got in touch with him, never told him anything. It’s not like he could come after me, I didn’t tell him where we were moving to, no matter how much he asked. Anyway, I didn’t mean that much to him. He’s probably found another guy to screw, and it’s better that way.” He looked up at Brian and shrugged. “And that’s it, I guess.”

Brian enveloped Zacky in a hug, holding him tight. “Zee… oh baby…” he kissed Zacky’s temple, “I’m so sorry, Zacky, I’m so fucking sorry…”

Zacky wrapped his arms around Brian, “Hey, it’s alright. I don’t have to deal with him anymore.”

“I wish I could have done something about it, I wish that never happened to you.” Brian closed his eyes. “I hope he dies for what he’s done. I hope he rots in hell for that.”

“It’s in the past, don’t worry, okay?” Zacky kissed Brian softly, tongue flicking over his bottom lip. “He’s not worth wasting our breath over.”

“I can think of something worth wasting my breath over…” Brian smirked, kissing Zacky softly.

“Trust me, that’s never a waste of breath.” Zacky pressed their lips together, and Brian grinned.

“So when do we tell everyone?” he asked, “And who do we tell?”

Zacky’s eyebrows furrowed as he pulled back. “I don’t know. I don’t care who you tell, really. Your parents, the guys. I guess I could tell my mom and dad…”

“I told my mom.” Brian replied.

“How’d she take it?”

“Better than I thought she would. I’m not too worried about my parents though. I’ve already told my mom, and my dad will always support me, no matter what I do. I just don’t want to lose Jimmy or the Berrys or Matt over this.”

“If they’re really your friends, then they’ll stick with you.” Zacky said, “But I understand. It is hard. I won’t go about telling anyone until you’re ready, okay? But I think you should at least tell Jimmy; he cares about you a lot, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ll tell him at practice.”

“Shit, yeah, practice.” Zacky swiveled his head around to look at the clock on the wall. “We’re late.”

“Let’s skip today, I don’t wanna go…” Brian whined, downing the rest of his coffee.

“Then what would you rather do instead?” Zack took their cups and went to throw them away.

“We can go to a quiet, secluded area, on the beach, in a little alcove in the rocks, and we can just make out…” Brian stood up and when to Zacky. “I can bring a bottle of wine from my dad’s collection. We can light candles and it’ll be romantic…”

Zacky smiled, kissing Brian’s cheek. “Let’s do it.”