Social Norms (Synacky)

Chapter Fifty

When Jimmy left, it was still storming.

Lightning flashed and thunder crashed, rain fell down in torrents, soaking the earth. Brian couldn’t help but wonder if Zacky was okay in this storm. Was he at home? Was he safe and dry in his room, curled up with a book?

He got his reply when there was a knock on the door. Zacky stood there, sopping and miserable, wearing the same clothes he had been wearing two days before in the park. He looked at Brian miserably, and before Brian could open his mouth to speak, Zacky asked, “Can I take a shower?”

So, he let Zacky in. He let him take a shower and put his clothes in the washer. He didn’t know if Zacky wanted them washed, but he wanted an excuse to keep him around, if only for a couple hours. He was putting together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when Zacky emerged, face flushed red, towel wrapped tightly around him.

“Um,” his voice was small and soft, “Where are my clothes?”

Shit, Brian had forgotten he’d need clothes. “I’ll uh, I’ll grab you some of mine, yours are in the washer.” He stepped out of the kitchen and headed to his room, feeling his heart ache when Zacky shrunk away from him as he passed.

He found his smallest set of clothes, they shouldn’t be too baggy on him, and brought them down. Zacky took them quietly and vanished into the bathroom again.

It made Brian want to cry.

What had happened? Zacky obviously hadn’t been home in a while, if he was coming to his house for a shower. Didn’t he have someone else to turn to? Why couldn’t he be at his own home?

He finished the sandwich and poured a glass of milk as Zacky returned. “I uh, I thought you might be hungry, so…” Brian pushed the sandwich and cup over to Zacky, who regarded it warily.

“What, I didn’t drug it, if that’s what you’re thinking.” Brian took a bite out of the sandwich and a swig of the milk. Before he could stop himself, he added, “I made a bad decision, but I’m not a bad person.”

Zacky took the sandwich and the cup, wolfing the food down before downing the glass. He licked his fingers afterwards, and Brian frowned. “Let me see what we have in the fridge.”

Zacky also ate his dad’s P. F. Chang’s leftovers, and a microwavable marinara penne meal. He was scraping out the sauce from the container with his fork when the timer for the washer went off.

Half their time was up.

Brian came back into the kitchen, leaning against the counter while Zacky sat at the kitchen table. “I’m not going to touch you, you know.” He whispered, “You don’t have to be so quiet.”

Zacky didn’t reply, looking out the window at the rain.

Tentatively, Brian sat down at the table across from Zacky. Zacky’s eyes flashed his way, looking over him, before looking to the ground.

“Look, Zee, I…” He what? Was sorry? Of course he was sorry, but how could he express that? He loved him? Of course he did, but how could he make Zacky remember that? Brian sighed, taking his wallet out of his back pocket and pulling out some money. “Get a hotel tonight, okay?”

Zacky looked at the cash Brian placed on the table before him, and Brian saw his lip trembling. Tears were barely being held back by his eyelashes, and he slowly looked up at Brian. “Okay.” He whispered.

Then the tears fell. Zacky broke down, burying his face in his hands. Brian stepped forward, wanting to wrap his arms around him to soothe him and kiss him and tell him everything would be alright. But he knew better and stopped himself, watching Zacky with pain in his heart.

“Zacky…” he murmured, “Hey, don’t cry…”

His words were useless and he knew it. Zacky gripped his hands in his hair and sobbed, “I d-don’t want to go out there!” he whimpered, “I-I can’t spend another second in the-the wet and the rain. I don’t want to stay in the f-fucking park or a ch-cheap motel.”

“You don’t have to, I’ll call Jimmy. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind letting you crash at his place, I do it all the time.”

“He’s not there.” Zacky whispered, “I-I’ve already been to his house, he’s gone.”

“Barb’ll let you in anyway…”

“Their car was gone.” Zacky wiped at his tears, trying to pull himself together.

“You could… stay here.” The last two words were softer than the rest. “You could sleep on the couch. I don’t think my folks would mind…”

Zacky looked at him as if he’d just offered to skewer a squirrel for lunch.

“I mean,” Brian covered quickly, “you don’t have to, I can call Matt, do you have his number? He’s probably home, let me just give him a call…”

Brian turned to reach for the phone, but Zacky said, in a hoarse, tear filled voice, “Wait, Brian.”

Brian’s heart leaped in his chest as Zacky said his name, and he turned to him. “Yeah?”

Zacky took a deep breath before asking, “Can I stay here? On the couch?”

“Of course.” Brian nodded, “Absolutely.”

“Did you get rid of them?”

“Yes.” Brian whispered, “I flushed them down the toilet.”

Zacky’s eyes were wide and vulnerable as he looked at Brian. “Can I trust you?”

Brian nodded, “Zacky, you don’t know how much I regret what I did. I-I can’t explain to you how sorry I am, Zacky, I wasn’t… I wasn’t thinking properly. I wasn’t thinking at all.” He looked down, biting his lip before continuing, “I love you, Zacky, you know I do.”

Zacky just frowned at the floor. “I think I’ll go to sleep now, if it’s okay with you.”

It was early, only seven in the evening. Brian had skipped out on going out to dinner with his family because he was wallowing around in his guilt. But he got some blankets out of their spare room, grabbing an extra pillow from his bed and setting them down on the couch.

“When my family comes back, I’ll have them be quiet.” He said, and Zacky nodded.

“Thank you.” The words were forced; protocol, not genuine. But Brian appreciated them anyway.

“Okay, well, good night, Zacky. I’ll get your clothes out of the dryer when they’re done.”

“Good night.” Zacky replied, and he watched Brian until Brian left the room.