I reached for his hand for the millionth time tonight and squeezed as tight as I could. I heard him take a sharp breath. "Sorry..." I mumbled. "Is it happening again?" He asked, concerned. I stayed silent. I couldn't find the strength and focus to respond.
If I ignored him long enough, he'd know something was wrong. I continued praying as hard as I could. My hand started twitching. "Sit up." He commanded gently, sitting up himself. I slowly and painfully sat up and leaned my back against the truck.
It hurt to breathe, so I held my breath. "Maddie don't. You need to breathe." He urged. I shook my head, refusing to give in. It didn't do any good because I couldn't hold it any longer, and I sucked in a lung full of air.
He rolled his eyes, but looked satisfied enough. "Ow!" I shouted, quickly getting to my feet. "What, what's the matter?!" Alex exclaimed jumping to his feet. "Get away from me." I warned, shielding myself from him.
"Maddie...I'm not going to hurt you." Alex reassured me.
"I know that. But I'm really claustrophobic right now. I need space." I pleaded. He looked confused, but didn't question it. I had an extreme case of claustrophobia, and even if there was one person there... If they wanted to be touchy at the wrong time, I felt claustrophobic.
"Just give me a second." I told him, trying to calm myself. "At least sit down." He sighed. "It'll make it worse." I informed him. "Fine." He sat down and crossed his arms. It was starting to scare me how high I was on the truck, so I started to climb down.
"Now what're you doing?" He asked, trying to hide his irritation. He wanted to be there for me, and I was pushing him away. I climbed down the rest of the way, and he followed.
I started walking away. "Maddie, get back here." He commanded. "Go away." I snarled. "No. I'm your boyfriend, I'm not leaving." He tried to reason. "Well, I hereby relieve you if you feel you have to be there for me." I sniffled, trying not to cry.
I didn't want him gone, I wanted him here; hugging me. But I was too anxious and tense. Alex jogged over to me, but I couldn't will myself to move. He didn't say anything, but he grabbed me and hugged me.
I tensed up even more, not hugging him back. "I'm not going anywhere. Maddie, you mean so much to me. I'm not going to hurt you. I love you." He whispered. The soft vibrations and the quick beating of his heart were soothing.
I started to relax rather quickly, until I was able to wrap my arms around him too. I slowed my breathing, taking slow, deep breaths. Smelling his cologne, and listening to his heartbeat. I was exhausted from all the anxiety now.
"I'm tired..." I said softly. He picked me up and carried me back to the truck and helped me in. "I'm going to take you home now. It's getting late." He whispered. I nodded, now situated in the passengers seat. I leaned my seat back and closed my eyes. He started the truck without saying a word. I grabbed his hand, and fell asleep not long after.
Surely I'd sleep well tonight...
YOU ARE READING
Run By Anxiety
General FictionAs a teenager with anxiety, Maddie Porter struggles with a lot of things. Then out of the middle of nowhere, her anxiety starts getting worse. Her boyfriend is now spending all their time together taking care of her. Things don't go as planned, but...